All is fair in Love and Peace
by Keiran
Summary: [Finished] And they lived Happily Ever After... The wedding is over and done with and all is right with the World. Now if only Heero could control himself, all would be even better.
1. The Idea

Hi! This is the sequel to 'All is fair in Love and War'. You don't have to read that one to understand this, but it explains a little why Heero behaves the way he does.

Big thanks to Sundaire for betaing!!

Author: Keiran  
Title: All is fair in Love and Peace  
Genre: Romance, humorous  
Rating: PG-13  
Pairings: 1+2, 3+4, 5+S minor 6+9  
Warnings: Slightly less Heero-povish than the prequel, so less odd, perhaps. And shounen-ai.

***

Humans are strange creatures, their nature unlike any others in the world. Although there has been evidence that they are, in fact, classified as mammals, their actions tend to prove the very opposite sometimes. Hence the comment made in some ancient movie, about them being a virus.  
  
No, you didn't hit the wrong link. This is not Discovery Channel: Civilization reprinted.   
  
As it was said before, human nature is a conflicting one. They desire peace, yet when a chance of ending war arises, older, long-forgotten conflicts are suddenly remembered. Or new ones are invented. Whatever fits. Which brings us to the present situation.  
  
The 24th of December, 197 AC. Double anniversary – end of the first war, rise of another. It is also a symbolic date for finally acquiring peace. Night of hope for Christianity, still one of the most popular religions.   
  
However, there were places…  
  
"Man! They're just plain crazy!" Duo Maxwell was watching the news while reading at least seven newspapers and consulting his laptop all at once. "The damn war is finished, stupid weapons are gone, and those idiots still need something!" He rose a little from the ground watching a huge dog, who made himself comfortable next to him. "They make me regret being born human."  
  
"You had no choice in that matter."   
  
"And here he comes: the great Heero Yuy, to spoil a nice thought. Never heard of a metaphor before?" Duo scowled. Heero – predictably – hned and turned around. Not before peeking at the other boy through his lashes, of course.   
  
"It's not that bad, Duo," a cute blond said softly, watching the boy sigh and stretch beside the huge dog. "They just need sort of an icon of unification."  
  
"You'd think that the damn **colonies** would have enough sense to keep themselves together, but no!"   
  
"Injustice."  
  
The lot of them was sitting in Relena's mansion, trying to enjoy a get-together (the pilots, Relena with Mariemaia, Milliardo, Noin and Sally) while discussing the future of the world, if the colonies couldn't deal with their issues regarding each other.  
  
"Hail all, Wufei contributes to the conversation. Let him speak! In his infinitive wisdom, he shall grace us with a solution to the Injustices of Life!"  
  
"Maxwell!" Wufei lunged at him. For the next ten minutes the room was full of laughter, and mad giggling.   
  
"It never ceases to amaze me – every single time Duo opens his mouth Wufei is right there to start a tickle/pillow/food fight. It's like he gets a written invitation beforehand," Noin pointed out looking at the squirming boys on the ground. "Hey, guys! You're seventeen."  
  
Duo rose, brushing bits of hair which escaped his braid away from his eyes. The light of the fireplace he ended up in front of was reflected in his messy hair, making it look like a nest full of fairies. He was laughing again.  
  
~A Very Tiny Insight into Heero's Mind~  
  
Aw…   
  
…  
  
I did **not** just think that!  
  
~End of Insight~  
  
Yes, as everybody gathered, Heero was still in slight denial. Duo remained completely unaware. However, we must add, to his credit, that Heero had some priorities now. Namely:  
No 1. Duo doesn't drive a car (the driver has to have priorities).  
No 2. Duo doesn't go anywhere alone after ten o'clock (or earlier, depending on how dark it is outside).  
No 3. Duo doesn't go out, unless:  
a. he is accompanied by someone responsible (coughHeerocough) or  
b. all of the people he is going out with were brought in for verification and passed, supplied mobile numbers, addresses, home phone numbers, names and data on the family members.  
No 4. Duo doesn't talk to strangers.  
No 5. Duo is under **constant** supervision when dealing with Wufei.  
  
And they lived quite happily. Sure, Duo would bitch sometimes about being fussed over as if he were a baby, but that never lasted long.  
  
"Nevertheless, something should be done about it," Relena said. "Finding some icons for the colonies would do good."  
  
"What, for example? It's not like any of the colonies have an Empress Sissy to marry off," Duo snorted.   
  
"We could marry you off," an eight year old Mariemaia piped in. "You'd make a cute bride. And everybody on L2 like you."   
  
Duo giggled. "I've just always wanted to be an enchanted prince! But not of the amphibian kind. I don't like pink though… and you, kid, can be my fairy godmother. I would need one of those. You can wear pink. Or maybe not, it'd clash horribly with your hair. Then I'd need to be locked in a tower. We've got to have an evil witch, but no one is climbing my hair! I'm just not sure about the twins part." The last part was added almost as an afterthought. By that time, however, everybody was howling with laughter. Even Heero and Trowa were doing something that could have passed for a laugh… in really bad weather. Milliardo got his wits together first.  
  
"Then, I trust, thy hand shant be refused?"   
  
Duo grinned. "Sir Knight, how could I refuse thy offer?"  
  
"Maestro, play the music! A… ugh, the Prince wishes to dance." With that they set off, waltzing, doing the tango mixed with samba and few others. At some point Duo tried to introduce ballet into it all. But that try ended in a huge heap with a plethora of hair everywhere.   
  
The day ended great.  
  
A couple of weeks later the same topic surfaced.   
  
Duo Maxwell, Preventer extraordinaire, was finishing his mission report, when he was summoned to the boss's office. Namely, Lady Une's. He was somewhat surprised to find Heero and the other pilots there, as well as Minister Darlian.   
  
"Duo, we thought about what you said." Duo looked at her, indicating that she should continue. He didn't have a clue what was going on. (Or which of his statements they were referring to.) Heero just looked stony, Quatre was smiling curiously, Trowa and Wufei were… were. Let's leave it at that. "And we agree, that a marriage would do the colonies a world of good."  
  
"Oh, that's it," Duo grinned. "You guys are getting hitched! Congratulations! I'm so happy for you both! I'm going to be the best man, aren't I Heero? Please? Pretty please?" He was bouncing cheerfully all around the office hugging everybody.   
  
"Um… Duo. You're the one getting married." That stopped him. Everybody looked at Relena. Heero **glared**. And I don't mean glared as 'looked in an unfriendly way'.   
  
Heero Yuy was in a process of reaching for a gun.  
  
"Yeah, okay. Don't you think you should have informed me sooner or something? Whatever happened to romance?" The braided boy asked, slightly bewildered. Relena blushed.  
  
"Not to me! I thought about what you were saying, and you guys are some sort of icons for the colonies… with your numbers and stuff… so…"  
  
"Is that even legal?" Duo asked wide eyed. "I mean sure, I'm pretty tolerant, no problem. But five **guys**? Isn't that, like, extreme a bit?"   
  
An hour later the conversation was resumed, after stopping Wufei's nosebleed, reviving Relena from the dead-faint, giving Une mild tranquilizers and preventing Quatre from nearly swallowing his teacup.   
  
Duo was grinning ear to ear, but was still slightly bewildered. Heero and Trowa seemed to be virtually unaffected, on the outside. Inside… we need a better angle for that. We'd cover Heero, since the author was only equipped with enough cash to buy an allowance to dwell in one pilot's mind.   
  
~Insight into Heero's Mind~  
  
Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes  
  
'But what if they assign him to somebody else?'  
  
Nonononononononononononononono  
  
…  
  
'I'd like to see them try.'  
  
~End of Insight~  
  
"But I thought the sole purpose of that kind of marriage was producing heirs for both parties, and all that jazz. That would be tough. The kids facts aside, how d'you want to pair us? Should we pull names from a hat or something? Match the birth date? I don't have one, you know? Do we base it on horoscopes?" Duo was having a great topic for talking. Nothing could stop him now. It's not like anybody wanted too. He was too much fun when he did that. Sometimes he was useful too. "And of course five is not exactly an even number. What about that? Scratch that, we could make Heero marry Relena, that would leave the four of us. But I'd go crazy trying to speak with Trowa, Wufei would kill me sooner rather than later, and Quatre is the one that talks."  
  
"What is that supposed to mean?" Poor blonde didn't know if he was to take it as an insult or not. The rest was laughing silently and watching Duo pace around the room. Duo or his mid-section, depending on the person, really.  
  
"Well, I mean somebody would have to do the press talking, since it would have to be all over the news. Or there is no point to that at all. And I'm betting at least two TV stations would want to make a reality show out of us. I can just see the Trowa interview – they'd have to dub him! Of Wufei's, after scratching the injustice out, nothing much would be left."  
  
"I was rather thinking…" Relena tried to say something, but she made a huge miscalculation in Duo's inhaling time.  
  
"On the other hand, having over-lapping couples would be fun! Or even a threesome. But these are illegal, I think. As in marriage. Back to the over-lapping. At least we wouldn't be bored," Duo finished his tirade nodding wisely. Relena was busy wondering what she should prevent – the blush or the giggles. She decided to prevent the blush.   
  
"If you're finished now… thank you." Small cough. "I reckon it would be best to assign you simply by your numbers. I trust it won't meet your disapproval?"  
  
"Wait a second! Who said we were getting married?! We're too young!"  
  
"There are ways to overcome it, Duo."  
  
"But I'll go crazy with the silent treatment! I mean – Trowa is practically mute! Or there would be much difference if he was."  
  
"Who said you would pair with Trowa?" Relena looked at the braided boy confused.   
  
"Uh, you did."  
  
"When?"  
  
"Well, you said we go by numbers, and 2 is somewhere near 3, unless someone taught me the wrong math."  
  
"I guess someone did. Duo, I hate to break it to you, but the numbers start with 1, not 2." Quatre explained patiently stifling his chuckles.  
  
"I knew that! But Relena and Heero are an item, so I thought…"  
  
"WHAT?" A shrill shriek interrupted him. Everybody took cover from the running banshee. But, as it turned out, that wasn't necessary, because it was Heero who shrieked. The Vice Minister just coughed politely.  
  
"That's… not exactly true," she said carefully.  
  
"That's exactly not true!" Heero corrected. "You baka!"  
  
"Jinkies. Didn't know that. Is it my fault you rarely talk to me? I can't exactly read your mind, you know."  
  
"Thank God for that," Heero muttered, a little red.  
  
"So it's settled then." Relena Peacecraft brightened visibly. "I already talked to Sally, she's on an assignment now, and she said yes."  
  
"Yes to what?" Wufei asked a little uncomfortable.  
  
"To marrying you, of course! Let me know when you establish the date! I'll take care of the rest." With that, she left the office. Two thuds sounded in unison with the closing door.  
  
"I have a feeling," Quatre said, "That we might have missed something." Then he glanced at Heero who was frantically trying to wake Duo up, and Trowa lifting a dazed Wufei from the floor. "Were we just arranged to marry each other?" He asked Une uncertainly. She nodded solemnly. "Oh my God."  
  
This place would have contained another Heero-insight, but unfortunately you have to be satisfied with a brief notice. Heero's mind went on vacation, the rest running on auto-pilot until the marriage is confirmed and done.   
  
He couldn't risk messing it up, could he.  
  
Murphy's Law would do it for him.   
  
It took some time to convince Duo that he and Relena weren't really a couple. It took even longer to convince him that they didn't **want** to be. It took a long time, but finally he understood. In the process, five chairs were put to eternal rest, 2.75 liters of alcohol was consumed and Heero nearly had a mental breakdown.   
  
As Trowa had – on the one of few occasions he spoke up – eloquently put it: 'Duo is one hell of a convincing son of a bitch'. Said boy managed to talk a terrorist into believing his problems were based on a simple misunderstanding, namely, his mother really did love him. She just didn't want to talk about it.  
  
As it turned out later, he was right. Which in turn led to Wufei commenting he could make a living selling people the Statue of Liberty, or bottled Sahara desert sand. Which prompted Duo into asking whether Wufei would be interested in buying the statue of David... you know, the naked guy, because he [that is Duo] is 'a bit uncomfortable with the way [he] is being gawked at now.' As said conversation took place over a dinner, everybody ended up with a piece of lunch in their faces. (Or a nosebleed **and** two lunches in one's face, Wufei speaking. It's rather easy to gather that Heero was not pleased with the insinuation).  
  
Just when everybody thought things were going relatively smoothly, Duo came to see Relena. Asking if it's true that they'd have to sleep together, and if so, how do you do that.   
  
The girl – understandably – had a fit. Poor boy was sent home uncomprehending why nobody wanted to answer his queries. In despair he decided to talk to one of his best friends, who was in the same situation.  
  
~Present time, Maxwell-Yuy apartment~  
  
Heero came home from work. He was a bit tired and bored out of his mind. A day full of paperwork does that to a person. All he wanted now was to sit down, eat something and stare at Duo doing all the Duo-ish things. He knew for a fact that Duo wasn't going out tonight. All that time spent forcing (and teaching) him to keep a calendar of outings had paid off.  
  
So, as he planned, Heero went into the kitchen, found a delicious meal in the heater, and took it with him to the living room.  
  
Duo, on the other hand, spent almost the whole day (save for the time he spent cooking) reading. Right as Heero entered with his food, Duo was sitting with his back to the couch totally engrossed in his book. A music was playing softly in the background. Heero relaxed happily. Not that he looked like he was relaxing happily, mind you. He ate slowly, put the plate away and stretched on the couch.   
  
Then he glanced over Duo's shoulder, curious as to the contents of the book.   
  
And developed a nosebleed that would make Wufei proud.  
  
"Wha..t are you reading?" he asked weakly a few minutes later, just to confirm his gnawing suspicions. Make that gnawing certainty.  
  
"'Complete Guide to Gay Sex.' It's kind of curious, actually," Duo said turning the page. "Oh wow! Is that comfortable?" Heero didn't dare to risk a glance. It just couldn't be good for the blood loss.  
  
"Where did you get that book?" he asked finally.  
  
"Quatre lent it to me."   
  
Heero stopped thinking for a while. "…Quatre?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Uh, are we talking about the same guy? Blond, blue eyes, short? Mr. Where's my Teacup? Hangs out with tall 'I just had a freaky hair-gel accident' guy?"  
  
"Yes, that one. What's so weird?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Nobody would tell us anything, so Quatre and I thought we might learn just what the hell we were coaxed into. I tried to ask Relena what we were actually supposed to do **after** the wedding, but she didn't answer," Duo explained, pouting slightly.  
  
"You mean you didn't **know**?" Heero felt another nosebleed coming on, along with a sense of disbelief. And some insane joy. And a more… physical reaction to the revelation. Which promptly ensured that nosebleed wouldn't come.  
  
"Hey! I'm not a child! I know perfectly well how sex works! I had to learn human anatomy and medical basics too, and you know that! Quat did too! It's just that the books didn't mention how two **guys** are supposed to do it." Mercifully the phone rang. Heero didn't even blink, while Duo got up to answer it.   
  
"It's Trowa, he wants to speak with you," the braided boy said and handed him the receiver.  
  
"Hn."   
  
"…" The two silent guys greeted each other.   
  
"Don't tell me. Does it have anything to do with Quatre and 'Gundam Pilot's Manual – What You Won't Find Inside'?"  
  
"Sort of. It's more like 'um, Trowa?' here."  
  
"Oh. At least someone has it worse than I."  
  
"You just wait. Quatre is coming over to bring a couple more books on the subject for Duo to see. Along with a list of associated links. And a few movies he found in the house. I suggest you run for it."  
  
"Movies he found in the house?"  
  
"Sisters. Apparently in the 20th century there was a market for gay guys."   
  
Silence. Then a slightly panicked "Hn."  
  
"Oh, and they found out we're all involved in this… mission, so expect a tailor soon. And a florist, and a baker, and hotel prospects, and house decorators. Also from what I heard most of their daughters want to be maids of honor. It usually comes with a pink dress. Watch out for Iria, she said she'll be coming over to give you 'The Talk', when she saw the two of them in the library hunting for sex tips."  
  
"Duo! I'm leaving!"  
  
"I'm waiting in that tiny café opposite the office. Barton out."   
  
Heero lay on the couch for a long moment staring into space. When he finally comprehended what exactly that talk meant, he bolted for the door.

***To be Continued***

Hey! If you like it, please, review! I need to know if I should post next parts.


	2. The Waiting

Author: Keiran  
Title: All is fair in Love and Peace, Part 2  
Genre: Romance, humorous  
Rating: PG-13  
Pairings: 1+2, 3+4, 5+S  
Warnings: This part contains a serious (but not very long) moment. I'm sorry, but I **hate** it when nobody questions anything and the couple falls into each other's arms. Oh, and watch out for the Wu-germs.

This fic is being betaed by Sundaire. T'is goooood. nodnodnodnodnod

~Few Days Later~  
  
^Short Summary of the Present Situation^  
  
Heero and Trowa, joined by Wufei, forced Une into giving them an assignment long and difficult enough to take their minds off of the incoming wedding. There was resistance, but finally both the Preventers' Chief and reinforcements (privately, Relena Peacecraft) were convinced that Duo, Quatre and Sally were perfectly capable of dealing with the preparations on their own (correct pronunciation: they were perfectly capable of telling everybody with a smile that all that pink was not necessary, thank you very much. Oh, what nice flowers!).  
  
^End of Summary^  
  
The only thing that Heero was concerned with was why Duo agreed to marry him. He wasn't fooled by Relena's performance in the office the other day. If anyone could talk their way out of anything and everything it was Duo.   
  
Which brought upon the dreaded 'why'.  
  
Finally, just two days before the wedding, Heero got the nerve to ask. If someone is wondering why he had to gather all his courage for this task, try going to your best friend, who is also the most important person in the world to you, and ask 'why are you hanging out with me actually?' He knew for a fact that Trowa and Quatre were almost officially a couple, or they were just about to be, and Wufei was dating Sally. Considering his dedication he would marry her anyway, sooner or later. But what about Duo? Heero kept angsting over it during the whole mission, so his first question upon coming home was:  
  
"Duo? Why did you agree to that… uh... plot?"  
  
"You want the true answer for the press, or the true-honest one?"  
  
"The true answer for me."  
  
"I love you."   
  
Heero Yuy almost lost it. Duo glanced at him and smiled cutely.   
  
"Not exactly romantically speaking maybe, more like the best friend sort of love, but I do. I don't believe in the romantic crap. I do however believe in 'best-friends-with-added-bonuses' relationships." Suddenly he turned serious. And maybe a little sad. "You know it's really hard for me to trust somebody, enough to be real friends with them. With the circumstances as they were when we got to meet each other, I doubted heavily I'd ever have a friend like you. And you are cute. Although I don't think I'd ever trust you with repairing anything more than a toaster. Maybe not even that, cause it may end up blowing up in my face. I mean you offered to check up Deathscythe so many times, and still the damn self-destruct mechanism didn't work! Geez! Not everybody had multiple self-destruction systems, you know!"   
  
"Hn." Heero had the decency to feel ashamed.   
  
"Oh, great. I go and spill my heart out, and all he can say is 'Hn'. I have a bad feeling about this marriage," Duo grumbled in response. "Anyway, I picked sapphire blue for us to wear, do you mind? Why am I even asking, of course you don't."  
  
"Why…"  
  
"Because the alternative was pink."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Quat and Trowa will be wearing baby blue, Wufei and Sally white. All opposed to pink. I knew we shouldn't have allowed Relena to make the arrangements. Also I hope you wouldn't mind telling them to stuff the bouquets down their throats. I thought that'd be too extreme, even for me.  
  
"Oh, and I'm still mad at you for leaving me alone with all the pink. I'm beginning to think you just won't be getting any, after all."   
  
It took Heero some time to process what exactly he wasn't getting any of, but when he finally did he was just about going to his knees, thanking whatever deity was up there for leading Duo out of the room for the moment.  
  
A few hours later Heero was lying in his bed thinking. His wedding was two days away. Make that one and a half. He was going to be married. To Duo.  
  
Stop. Rewind. Play.  
  
He was going to be married! To Duo!  
  
A sudden wave of knowledge hit him on the nose with the efficiency of a brick wall. Bleeding like a butchered pig he went to the bathroom. He shook off his gray tank top and since it was sloshed with red already, he used it to stop the bleeding. His nose however had other ideas, and Heero was soon considering calling an expert to solve the problem.  
  
"Damn! Man, are you infected with Wufei-ism, or something? That's one nasty nosebleed. Okay, hands off."   
  
The dark haired boy looked at the doorway from the corner of his eye, and saw the beautiful, caring, sweet figure of his future husband holding a bag of ice for his abused nose.   
  
"Easy there. Tilt your head backwards a bit. Hold the ice for a moment, will you?" Duo filled the sink with hot water and left Heero's tank top to soak. The he reached for his partner's hand. "Come here," he said, leading Heero to the living room, grabbing a pack of tissues on his way. He helped him lie on the couch and carefully eased Heero's head on his own lap, tilting it back. "Now, all better."  
  
"Hn." The almighty socializing God, also known as the Perfect Soldier felt the need to contribute to the conversation.  
  
"So, what brought this on? You walk into a door or something? Or are you infected for real? Nasty Wu-germs, crawling all over the place. Tssss… here they come… you know, you better get off. I don't want to bleed at every turn too. I mean, someone has to provide the cavalry, right? Like that one time when me and Wu were on a mission somewhere, and the TV got blocked at some late night porn movie. He was bleeding as if there was no tomorrow, man that was a funny sight. Later we realized that the batteries in the remote were old, but before that! Man, that's the only time I think when Wu **willingly** let another person sleep closer than a meter before. Well, that was a while before Sally, so…"   
  
Heero's mind was being severely abused with thoughts such as 'Slept **how** close?' Which in turn led to another vacation break for it. Killing Wufei was not in question right now.   
  
~The Next Morning~  
  
Heero didn't wake up feeling relaxed and comfy. He could already feel his muscles screaming, and that was before he started to move. To stretch at least a little he arched his back, straightening his arms out in front of him.   
  
However, there was a warm bundle plastered to his side, which lay directly in the way of his morning exercises. Heero, being Heero, didn't allow mere warm bundles to halt his morning routine, and pushed it off the sofa.   
  
His only miscalculation lay in not noticing that both he and the mysterious bundle were tightly wrapped in the very same blanket. Predictably, ten seconds later Heero landed on the floor, on top of Duo and loads of blanket in between.   
  
"Ouch! Yuy, for God's sake! Don't you know the damn commandments? Number 11, 'Thou shan't push sleeping people of the couch?' That's the last time I'm helping **anybody** with a damn nosebleed. What's wrong with you people and remembering that somebody sleeps **on the same damn couch**! Is that a nosebleed thing, an Asian sickness, or the famous Wu-germs again?"   
  
By the end of this rant Heero was once again in his element, planning the next mission.   
  
~Much Waited for Interlude ... or What Heero Is Really Thinking~  
  
I'm going to kill him. I really am.  
  
Or I would.  
  
If it weren't for the fact Duo for some inconceivable reason likes to have him around, he'd be six feet under already.  
  
But he is still marrying **me** tomorrow! No. More. Wufei!  
  
~End Of Interlude~  
  
By the time breakfast was made and served Duo almost stopped pouting. It might be safe to note that Duo, still being as cute as ever, was a very pretty sight when pouting. Which in turn would have made Heero blush, if it weren't for the fact that he was Heero.  
  
"Okay, you are forgiven. But only because you make damn good pancakes. I don't get it by the way, you can make one hell of a good pancake, but you can burn water at the same time. I mean, what's the problem, cooking an egg soft, for example. It's just like building and setting off a bomb. A small one perhaps, having only a couple of minutes and limited supplies, but still. Did I tell you where they are sending us for the Honeymoon? It's on Earth, somewhere in southern Europe. Quat and Tro are going to the Caribbean Islands and Sally with Wu to Hawaii. I just said that the place needed to be warm, not hot, not cold. I hate cold. I saw pictures already. It's very beautiful, you know. We'll be living in a cottage, a lake nearby, generally a cute place. Oh, Une is giving us three weeks of Honeymoon time before we have to go back to work. She said we need to uh... get used to the new situation. However, we have to spend the first two days in a hotel in Sanq. They are being generous, and well it is a **Hotel,** with a capital H. We need to participate in a press conference, and there are so many journalists that wanted to be at it that we are forced to attend a really long conference and stay around for a day or two, in order to…" here Duo blushed a little "…well, **look** like we are married. But don't worry, I convinced Une that putting cameras in the suite was not necessary."  
  
The next half an hour was spent washing orange juice from every available surface in the kitchen.   
  
~**Another** Short Interlude~  
  
Well, since it is quite impolite to interrupt someone speaking, and Heero didn't really contribute anything useful to the conversation, we would like to know what he did in the meantime (except eating). Here's the list:  
  
A frown, four 'Hn's, followed by a questioning raise of a brow, three more 'Hn's, a smirk, a couple of 'Hn's again, and finally spitting his juice all over the kitchen.  
  
You can guess that the mere mention of having Duo's undivided attention for two and a half weeks was making him feel lightheaded.  
  
~End Of Interlude~  
  
A couple of hours later both of the future newlyweds were packed for their journey and ready to go. Duo had laughed at the females' attempt to keep them apart for the last day and night, saying "Sure, and while you're at it, why don't you get Heero a wedding gown, so that I can't look at it before the wedding. Oh, and I firmly refuse to be led to the altar like a lamb to slaughter. It's a gay wedding, let me spell it for you, G-A-Y. That means, male-to-male wedding. Not male-to-irresolute-sex wedding. And stuff the flowers."  
  
As a result, they were both traveling to the hotel together. However, it was agreed (after much begging and crying and wailing on the females' part) that they were staying in separate rooms. The wedding was to take place around midday, so Duo eventually agreed that they might sleep in and not see each other before the actual ceremony.   
  
Let it be noted that Duo was forced to go to sleep early after dealing with the matter of a bouquet. There is only so much of wailing females one man can bear before getting a migraine.   
  
The Wedding Eve ended peacefully, with the five remaining  'Doomed Ones' and their friends enjoying a glass of wine on the spacious balcony.  
  
********

Please do tell me if you liked it! Please!

Keiran  
  



	3. Last Moment

Title: All is fair in Love and Peace 3/6

Author: Keiran ( keiran@poczta.onet.pl )

Rating: PG-13

Genre: Romance and a healthy dose of Murphy's Law

Pairings: 1+2, 3+4, 5+S, minor 6+9

Warnings: Shounen-ai, no others really.  
  
****  
  
The morning was nasty. It started with a downpour, followed by rain. Next came ordinary pouring, only to be continued with a drizzle.   
  
It was rather easy to notice that the weather shot to hell the plans of an outside wedding. Throughout the morning all kinds of staff members were seen running in and out from at least thirty different rooms.   
  
It is understandable that if the whole world has to know about your wedding, your family will come, invited or not. Especially if it is the youngest and the cutest who is getting married.   
  
It might be useful to know that poor Heero spent the morning sitting on the floor before Duo's door, pointing a loaded gun at anybody who dared to attempt getting in. As a result, Duo emerged around 11 o'clock, clearly alarmed by the ruckus made by his partner and the unfortunate person who tried to get in.  
  
"Heero. Dare I ask why are you strangling Quat's sister?"  
  
"She was trying to get in."  
  
"I suppose so, it's 11.15, and the wedding is scheduled for 12.15. I believe she was supposed to help me prepare."  
  
"You were sleeping."  
  
"We have an hour, and I know shit about blow drying."  
  
"You were sleeping. This is an unknown territory."  
  
"Oh, yes. Definitely, I'm in danger. Yuy, there are at least **one hundred** world leaders in this hotel, and it's obvious that everybody would rather try to murder or kidnap me. Even if they try, what are the odds I know less about the job than them? Now, excuse me, I have a wedding I need to attend. It would be appreciated if you made it on time too. Or Une might make me marry Relena after all." Duo grabbed the shoulder of the poor girl and ushered her into his room. Then he poked his head from behind the door. "Your room is next to mine, Heero. If anybody tries to hurt me, I promise I'll send you an e-mail. Now off you go, we're getting married in an hour, remember? Iria might try to make you do your hair Trowa-style, don't let her. She was pretty excited about the idea of hair gel."  
  
"Hn." Heero walked the distance of ten meters to his own room, and found Iria already there. Trowa's warnings hit him suddenly, strong enough to make him contemplate running for cover.  
  
"Heero, good to see you. There's your suit, I hope it fits. I wasn't able to get you before, but I have a few things to say."  
  
~Soldier's Instincts, Part One~  
  
Uh oh.   
  
Runforitrunforitrunforitrunforitrunforitrunforit  
  
~End of Part One~  
  
"First of all, regarding the wedding. Try please not to grunt your way through the ceremony. I know Duo knows what you want to say, most of the time, but the official and press would need some proof other than his word. That goes mostly to the do-you-Heero-Yuy routine. An 'I do' will do better than 'Hn'. That's one. I warned the press that only half of you talk, so you just need to sit next to Duo at the conference and… okay, don't smile. There will be some kids watching, but look approachable. With no more than stick a meter long."  
  
"Hn." (roughly translated to: 'Okay, but if they try approaching Duo, I can't promise anything.')  
  
"After the conference there will be a party, only some photographers are allowed. It would be nice if you didn't kill anybody, and danced with Duo once or twice. But I leave that to him. After the reception, which would be around eight o'clock, comes the wedding night. The rest of the party will continue, until everybody goes to sleep.  
  
"Now about the wedding night…"  
  
~Soldier's Instincts, Part Two~  
  
What the **hell** are you still doing here, dolt!   
  
Runandhiderunandhiderunandhiderunandhiderunandhiderunandhide NOW!  
  
Preferably in the next room.  
  
~End of Part Two~  
  
"I suppose Trowa did tell you that neither Duo nor Quatre have any idea what's in store for them. Or perhaps they hadn't, before my educated siblings provided them with various, uh, materials."   
  
"You mean the porn ones, or the angsty ones?"   
  
Iria blushed a little.  
  
"Both. So… oh drat, there is no time! Get in the shower now!"   
  
Heero obediently stepped into the bathroom and showered. Taking his time, he started to file away the information he received already and prepared himself to hear tips for his and Duo's future sex life. But as he stood under the hot spray he could feel his courage draining away. Then he saw something rather curious glued to the wall.   
  
'Something Curious' turned out to be a piece of paper wrapped in plastic with Duo's handwriting on it. It said:  
  
'Dear soon-to-be-husband-of-mine,  
I sincerely hope you are not getting cold feet now. Or scratch that, you probably have. I've got something to make you feel better over this whole affair: A Mission Plan.  
12.00: I (which means you, dear Heero) get downstairs, dressed in the damn suit and wait for Relena to arrive.  
12.10: I let Relena lead me to my place at the altar.  
12.15: I stare at the official, not Duo, who looks damn hot in his suit (I'm beaming, you know. Everybody who'd seen me said so.)  
12.15-13.00: I listen to the whole ceremony, not making faces. Note: I say the damn 'I do' not 'Hn'!!!  
Around 13.00: Kiss me! I mean, kiss Duo!  
13.05: cough, cough. Yes, you can let me, I mean him, go now.  
From this point on, you're doomed. We both are. Oh well.  
Love, Duo  
  
Heero smirked. Leave it to Duo, to make everybody feel better. Scratch everybody, leave it to Duo to make **him** feel better. He finished his shower and went back into his room, where his suit was carefully lain upon his bed, to prevent it from wrinkling.  
  
"If you've got some stuff that needs special care, pack it now, cause someone's going to be moving you to the marital suite. Which brings me back to your future marital problems."  
  
~An Insight into Heero's Mind~  
  
'Where is Duo, when I need him!'  
  
'MAXWELL!! Bring your ass over here!'  
  
'…'  
  
'I will not think about his ass. I will not think about his ass. I will not think about his ass.'  
  
~End of Insight~  
  
Iria, as one of very few people, was able to observe a series of interesting phenomenon: Heero Yuy looked panicked, then paused, then looked at the suit displayed. Some wheels turned. Then he blushed bright red.   
  
It wasn't **that** hard to decipher what exactly he was thinking. Having three football teams and then some as siblings had made the esteemed doctor grow a sense of innocent evil.  
  
Call it a self-defense mechanism.  
  
"Oh, Duo looks so sexy in that suit!" She gushed. "He's got the cutest little bottom I've ever seen on a guy! You can't imagine how hard it was to get him out of the tailors' fitting room with his virginity intact! My sisters were really persistent, mind you. Including the few who are declared lesbians. Quatre almost called the whole thing off to demand re-pairing. Now picture all of this and Duo starting to get undressed. You can imagine that it **didn't** help at all that he has no problem with changing in front of people." A pause. Meanwhile Heero wondered if Quatre needed his sisters and if anybody needed Quatre.   
  
"Which I suppose will be good for you, cause once you get him naked, things should progress on their own. You're both healthy teenagers, hormones and stuff. Uh…Are you gay?" Heero choked.  
  
"The wedding is half an hour away, and you're asking me if I'm gay!?"  
  
"Well, it suddenly occurred to me that you two never really indicated any romantic interest in each other. Unless you count the fact that you're usually fussing over Duo like a mother-hen."  
  
"I do not," Heero replied passively.  
  
"Really? I distinctly remember an incident, this winter, when you nearly beheaded Quatre because he allowed Duo to go out without his scarf tied properly around his neck."  
  
"Hn."  
  
"Then there was this one time when you spoon-fed him chicken broth when he had a mild cold."  
  
"Hn."  
  
"And Quatre has pictures of Duo, dressing up for field missions for the Preventers. Mind you, it took me an hour to notice that he actually **was** underneath all of the bullet-proofs."  
  
"Hn."  
  
"You might be suspected of incest. You do realise you're behaving like his mother would, don't you? But it's rather cute to watch. I simply love it when you grunt and Duo manages to spin a couple of sentences out of it. I was curious – has he ever been wrong?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Does he ever do anything that does not please you?"  
  
"N…" Heero paused and slowly realised what was he actually asked. "**What** the **hell** was **that** supposed to mean!"   
  
Iria started to giggle.   
  
"Nothing, nothing. I just needed to test a theory."  
  
"**What** theory?"  
  
"Well, my baby bro has pointed out a couple of interesting facts about you two."  
  
"Your baby bro might accidentally die soon!"  
  
"Now, now Heero. We must refrain ourselves from unnecessary violence."  
  
"Hn. I consider it necessary violence."  
  
"Whatever you say! Poor Duo, I remember how absolutely **devastated** he was when Quatre broke his arm on a trip he suggested. But, if you're sure that's necessary…"  
  
"Hn."   
  
Heero did realize that it was just a cheap trick. He had a reputation to maintain, after all. He also realized that Iria was mostly right. That led to remembering… that Duo, when devastated, was fun. He clung to a person and clutched a person, and stayed home, and needed to be hugged **a lot**, and clutched and clung to…  
  
"Look at the time! It's almost time to go! Now, let me see..."   
  
During the conversations Heero managed – somehow – to dress up. He had to admit that the color was damn right for him. For Duo probably too, since he was the one who had to endure trying it on. Iria walked around him a couple of times. Surprisingly, he felt quite calm, even if a little lightheaded. He was marrying his Duo, he was marrying his Duo…   
  
"What to do with all that hair…"   
  
Heero panicked.  
  
Now, there are two types of panicked soldiers. One type will freeze and forget whoever it was he was shooting.   
  
The other type will bolt for the nearest exit. Which is exactly what Heero did.   
  
Unfortunately he was standing next to the window. He jumped onto the narrow rail outside and quickly moved to the nearest safe location (namely, Duo's room) completely ignoring Iria's cries of 'Watch the suit, damn it!'  
  
In his haste he pushed the window open and stumbled inside, onto something very warm. Namely, Duo.  
  
"What the hell is your problem, Heero! If you were thinking of getting used to being on top, you can stop trying! Seriously, I mean, I want to get some fun too, right? Now get off, you know how late it already is? Crap, we need to get going!"  
  
And they set off to the wedding.  
  
~Scene Change: At the Bottom of the Stairs~  
  
"Oh my God!"  
  
"Duo! Heero! Why are you here together?!"  
  
"That's beside the point, what the hell are you wearing?!"   
  
Relena blinked, surprised.  
  
"You don't like my dress?" She asked, twirling on her toes.  
  
"Let me guess, the last book you read was 'Complete Guide for the Maid of Honour – la Bella Epoque'?"  
  
"The last book you read, Mr. Maxwell, was perhaps 'Smart-ass Comments Regarding Fashion'?"  
  
"No, 'Complete Guide to Gay Sex'. Hello Miss Catalonia. I like your eyebrows. At what ungodly hour did you wake the poor stylist up, to have them done so well?" Duo asked the newcomer innocently.  
  
"As soon as the sun rose, Mr Maxwell, as soon as the sun rose. I'm surprised Mr Yuy didn't offer to tutor you, by the way. But of course that might have been considered a bribe, later on."  
  
"Are you suggesting that the end results would have been dimmed by the training performances?"  
  
"No, definitely not. But I'm willing to run preliminary tests." The blond leered at Duo seductively. "I must say, I strongly disapprove of your choice of outfit for the occasion."  
  
"Huh? Something wrong with it?" Duo's eyes widened almost impossibly as he glanced at his bottom in almost comical fashion. "Everybody said it looks good." Dorothy patted his shoulder comfortingly.   
  
"It does look good, don't worry. I am merely expressing opinion that should have been issued by Miss Relena. After all, she is the pacifist here. I should think she would be more concerned for the World Peace."  
  
"Concern for the 'World Peace', as in 'I object, he's too cute to be married'?"  
  
"Bingo, Mr. Maxwell."   
  
Allow the author to point that Trowa and Quatre entered the picture around the 'I like your eyebrows' part, Wufei and Sally a sentence later and finally Milliardo, Noin, Une and Mariemaia, to 'as the sun rose'. Needless to say they were all dying with laughter.  
  
"Okay. Say, Miss Catalonia, that's one cool dress you've got there!" Dorothy raised an eyebrow. "I almost got one just like that for Heero to wear. Of course, I was forced to browse with my eyes closed, due to some tradition, but that one felt really nice."  
  
"Well, I would of course be very happy to allow you to **feel** it again, but I'm afraid I'd be facing severe bodily harm."   
  
Right then Relena noticed who exactly chose to join the party.   
  
"Sally! At least you could have stuck to the damn tradition!"  
  
"Relena, Wufei is the only person we could find who knows how to put that thing on properly." Sally was wearing a Chinese-styled kimono.   
  
Relena, Dorothy and Hilde were chosen as the maids of honor and witnesses at the same time. To 'cut the number of people obscuring the view' as Duo put it. The best man parts were played by Milliardo, Rashid and Howard. The last one had to be threatened with unmentionable things before he agreed to wear a tux, but finally he consented.   
  
Duo, making a good impression of a five year old being denied a Christmas present, had something to do with it too.  
  
~Paragraph for Ladies Exclusively: Dresses~  
  
As was said before, Sally was wearing a white Chinese-styled kimono. Despite it (that is the color white) being a symbol of mourning, she looked quite happy. Wufei didn't seem to mind either. He was wearing something along the lines of his traditional garb, only fancier. And whiter.  
  
All of the others were wearing military-styled suits, sapphire or baby-blue, depending on the couple.   
  
Now the maids of honor were a totally different picture. Relena was doing a good impression of a cloud, wearing a white, long, flowing dress, trimmed with lacy tulle. All in all she looked like a bride. If one was forced to describe the dress with one word, one would say: fluff.   
  
Dorothy was wearing an elegant, crimson, silk gown, to provide some contrast for the white couple she was going to accompany. Her hair was also curled.  
  
Hilde finally was coaxed into wearing a plain, but stylish, lavender dress. That in itself was an accomplishment. And all is owed to Duo's diplomacy. ('You absolutely cannot show up on the altar wearing overalls! Are you mad, woman?')  
  
Finally, the best men (currently absent, save for Milliardo) were wearing plain as-old-as-time tuxes, while the rest of the female team opted for quite plain, burgundy-colored gowns. Except for little Mariemaia, who took Duo's advice and was wearing a green dress. Which made her resemble an orange flower in a pot, surrounded by leaves.   
  
Added up, the supporting trio brought to mind an image of a dessert table.  
  
~End of Paragraph~  
  
Before Duo and Dorothy were ready to abandon their discussion, Catherine Bloom appeared (wearing pale pink, just because no one else was) to 'kindly remind you that you have exactly 1 minute 33 seconds before the ceremony begins. And since your presence is somehow **vital** to continue, I suggest you move your sorry asses!'  
  
It had the desired effect: the unofficial party was called to a halt, and rescheduled for the following morning. By then, the adults reasoned, the newlyweds (especially Duo) would have much more to talk about.   
  
Dorothy was relieved too. After all, it isn't easy to carry on a smart-ass conversation packed full of innuendoes, when the hand belonging to the official fiancee of your interlocutor was somewhere near the pocket in which guns are usually kept.  
  
Even more stressing, when said fiancee is known to possess a dangerous mix of possessiveness and short temper. Not that she would ever let it show.  
  
Therefore, the group departed. This chapter is coming to an end, so to add to the dramatic effect, there were big doors at the end of the corridor, which opened dramatically, revealing only blinding white light, and indecipherable noise.  
  
**********  
  
End of Chapter 3! Review, please!


	4. The Day Has Come

Author: Keiran  
  
Title: All is fair in Love and Peace 4/6  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Genre: Romance  
  
Pairings: 1+2 3+4 5+S 6+9  
  
Warnings: Um. if you are a reporter, you might be slightly offended. No harm meant. Shounen-ai.  
  
This fic has been betaed by Sundaire. bows Japanese-style (i.e. all of the hair lands on the ground before her)  
  
***  
  
It somehow lessens the effect of a wedding when the couple sprints to the altar, and then spends half of the blessings trying to catch their breath. As interesting the implications may be.  
  
They are even more interesting when there are three couples (two of them gay), another pair, three teenaged girls, two men, two women and a child.  
  
Since that particular wedding was all about publicity and effect, the group stopped, and when they walked around the corner everyone was in their proper places.  
  
The hall was full. At least four cameras were recording the proceeding people, not to mention countless ordinary camera flashes.  
  
"I swear, this stuff should be illegal," Duo muttered, loud enough for Heero to hear. "They could switch us, and with this racket and flashing we'd be none the wiser. Only perhaps if someone got stuck with Fei, cause then they'll have an ear full of injustices."  
  
"Hn."  
  
"Don't go grunting at me pal. Your line is 'I do,' remember? I'm really starting to regret not having employed a prompter. Now cheer up! It's only a lifetime commitment."  
  
"Hn."  
  
Finally the journey was over, and the three couples took their places at the altar. Considering that each and every single one of the wed-to-be represented different religions (or a different atheism) it was decided that the wedding would be a formal non-religious one.  
  
"We are gathered here today with your friends, to witness your marriage, and to share in the joy of this occasion. Today should be one of the happiest and most memorable days or your life.  
  
"Life is composed of many meaningful events. One of these events is marriage. Marriage is a commitment to life. To the best life that two people can find, and bring out in each other. Marriage offers opportunities for sharing and growth that no other human relationship can equal. A physical and emotional joining that is promised for a lifetime.  
  
"On this day you stand somewhat apart from all other human beings, You stand in the charmed circle of your love, and this is how it should be.  
  
"Love is not meant to be a possession of two people alone. Rather it should be a source of common energy.  
  
"Love is the most beautiful gift we are given to share, and the more your love is shared, the quicker it grows. Love will give you the strength to live your lives with courage. Love is nurturing, caring and being loyal to each other, standing side by side as equals.   
  
"Let home provide you with all the shelter and security you will need, for each new experience will help you grow as a married couple. Remember that people are more important then possessions, and welcome all who enter your door.  
  
"When two people pledge to love and care for each other in marriage, they create a spirit unique to themselves, which will bind you closer then any spoken or written word. Marriage is a promise, a potential, made in the hearts of two people who love, which takes time to fulfill.  
  
"Do you take your partner to be your lawfully wedded, to love and to cherish until your life's end?"  
  
A choral of six 'I do's rang through the hall. It should be noted that there were after all six 'I do's, not five and a 'Hn.' No 'Injustices' were noted either. If the reader is wondering about the sheer asexuality of the ceremony, it wasn't only Duo's and Quatre's meddling. Sally put something in from her point of view too. Something, that is: 'There is no way in hell I'm going to be the one led to the damn altar! If these two are not, I sure as hell am not going to! Did Chang write the damn script, or something? That male chauvinistic pig! He's so going to get it when he gets back!'  
  
"Would you please face each other, and hold hands. Repeat these words after me; please say them together and to each other." The official droned on, completely lost in his happy little world. He was chosen by the God of Death personally, to ensure that the ceremony would continue, even if Heero started grunting and pulling a gun on people. The guy was a little deaf, and due to age couldn't see very well.   
  
"Today is the day I marry my friend. The one I laugh with, dream with, live for, and love. Our life together begins today. We will share our thoughts, our hopes, and our very selves. I will love you in sickness and in health for better or worse, for all our days together.  
  
"May I have the rings?" The Best Men dutifully pulled wedding bands from their pockets and presented them to the couples.  
  
~An Interlude, That Should Have Taken Place Earlier~  
  
As was said before, the part of the best men was given to Milliardo Peacecraft, Howard and Rashid. Howard for obvious reasons fought tooth and nail to accompany 'The Kid,' therefore he and Hilde stood respectively next to Heero and Duo.  
  
Rashid was standing right behind Trowa, ready to grab him if he decided to bolt suddenly, while Relena beamed at everyone over Quatre's shoulder. Moral support, you could say, vice-minister Darlian and the Winner heir.  
  
Milliardo looked smug. It was rather beneficial that Sally was shielding him from Wufei's view, or there might have been some serious repercussions. Such as, for example, a sword fight. Wufei didn't like it, when Milliardo looked smug. Kind of like Heero didn't like people standing too close to Duo.  
  
~A Note Worth Its Own Paragraph~  
  
When Milliardo looked smug that usually meant Heero had been notified of some trespass regarding Duo concerning Wufei. (It was still discussed why Heero and Relena hadn't gotten together, after all. The most common thesis said that 'Too much obsession equals mass destruction.')  
  
~End Of Note~  
  
Dorothy, finally, also looked smug. She was next to the center of attention, wearing a great dress, she had a really good partner for oral sparring at hand, and soon said partner's partner wouldn't look like he wanted to kill her for said sparring.  
  
It pretty much summed up what everybody has been feeling regarding the situation. There wasn't a single person Duo or Heero knew that hasn't been thwacked, once or twice, by the Perfect Soldier for being too close/straightforward/assuming/inattentive/careless towards the God of Death. Some of them, like Wufei, had been in constant danger. Even Milliardo and Une hadn't escaped: the first had the living daylights beaten out of him, after an attempt to teach Duo to kick-box stylishly (after that incident Heero took over Duo's education), while the latter's personal PC suffered an invasion of bugs, for giving Duo a month-long solo assignment.  
  
~End of Interlude~  
  
Five young men and one woman took the rings and put them in turn on their partners' fingers. The official blinked when he focused his eyes on each couple in turn. The first maiden spoke with a surprisingly deep voice. But he stopped wondering about it soon enough.  
  
"With these rings, you are bound to each other. I hereby declare you life- partners." The poor man couldn't for the life of him decide why was he supposed to say 'life-partners,' not 'husband and wife,' but he supposed it had something to do with the number of people or perhaps feminism. Two out of three brides were wearing something akin to uniforms. "You may now kiss."  
  
'Right on cue.' Heero thought. It was precisely 13.00.  
  
~A Warning~  
  
The following paragraphs contain a major kissing scene.  
  
If you are under 13 years of age, or dislike physical relationships please refrain from reading any further.  
  
~End of Warning~  
  
Heero placed his left hand on Duo's cheek, the other on his waist and they both leaned in. Just before their lips touched Duo whispered softly: "No funny business, right Yuy?"  
  
Thus their very first kiss came to pass.  
  
It didn't go exactly as Duo had planned it. It ended well before 13.05. Furthermore, while he did have to discreetly pry Heero's mouth away, it could be counted as a success because he didn't end up half naked on the floor or slung over his husband's shoulder, halfway to their room.  
  
"Famous control kicks in, right soldier-boy?" Duo whispered, grinning.  
  
His voice was barely heard over the cheers. Heero hned and took his husband's hand. All of them went out, directed to the specially prepared conference room.  
  
Their entrance caused another round of cheers. However Heero chose that particular moment to show everyone just how pleased he was with the situation and smiled. What followed was a stunned silence, with a touch of panic for good measure. Duo caught on soon enough and stomped on his foot.  
  
Heero glared, and the room breathed freely. Well, more freely then before.  
  
"Shall we begin then?" Duo asked cheerfully. "Don't mind Heero, he doesn't get along well with people."  
  
"So why did you marry him?" Shouted a voice from the corner.  
  
"Hey, whoever told you I'm people, lied." Behind Duo's back, Relena consulted the public relations committee (that is Dorothy, Iria and Lady Une). They agreed to allow Duo to handle the conference. Of course, it might result in severe blood loss later on, but that they could deal with.  
  
"Define 'lied'."  
  
"How many people you know are Preventers' field agents at 17?"  
  
"Five?"  
  
"Wow, I knew there was a leak in the department."  
  
"Can we please move on?" One of the older reporters asked.  
  
"Sure, shoot."  
  
"Ehm. Duo of course meant 'please proceed,' didn't you Duo?"  
  
"Well, I meant 'you may ask now,' but if you say so, Quatre."  
  
"Since it is rather obvious that you two get along very well, what did you marry Mr. Yuy rather than Mr. Winner?" Heero had a sinking feeling that the conference would go down two ways. The male and/or older reporters are going to ask about the weapons, Preventer business, and peace's chance of being maintained successfully, while the female population would hunt the gory details of married life between them.  
  
"Because then the press conference would have to include a dubbing." Duo replied solemnly.  
  
"Moving on," one of the older reporters glared at the female, "there have been some rather disturbing reports on weapon facilities these days."  
  
"Yeah, will they allow you to go into that coupled, now that you're married to your partners?"  
  
".which prompts me to ask what steps."  
  
"How long were you going out?"  
  
".have been taken."  
  
"How did you meet?"  
  
"Women! Get a grip on yourselves! This is not the who-when-with whom crap you usually write!"  
  
"Excuse me? I am capable of writing a perfectly good 'which idiot hired me to write yet another piece on politics' too!"  
  
"Oh, yeah? So why you go around poking your nose in other people's business?"  
  
"Why you."  
  
".my favorite t-shirt got torn to pieces during the fight, then he threw me on the bed." All heads snapped in Duo's direction suddenly.  
  
"Oh, so you're listening after all," he addressed the part of the audience which wasn't in a process of reviving Wufei. "It's nice to know that, especially since I was under the impression that we were supposed to be the center of attention. Now. What were the questions you wanted to ask?"  
  
The masses agreed on one thing. "And what happened next?!" All of the reporters breathed at once readying their pencils above their notebooks. This was a sensation. Everybody could see the headlines already: 'Life of a pilot, before and after the marriage' (or 'The Gundam pilots' secret kinks,' depending on what type of paper the reporter in question worked for).  
  
"Hm? Oh, I smacked him with a pillow and threatened not to cook for the next month if he didn't stop tickling me that instant."  
  
If the author got paid for every single blink that took place in that moment.  
  
"As for the formal questions, such as the phone numbers of my fellow Preventers, address Mr. Winner-Barton or Miss... pardon, my mistake, Mrs. Chang. I'll give you a hint, she's the only female here.  
  
"But, I suppose it's only fair to say one thing. Yes, the marriage came rather unexpectedly. That does not however mean that the idea was sudden. It has been decided that considering the circumstances it would be wise to show everyone that it isn't entirely impossible to deal legally with other people on regular basis, despite personal differences." There was a pause.  
  
"I truly hope you've noted that exactly, cause I spent a good fifteen minutes with a dictionary thinking it up." Duo finished with a bright smile and a wink. His friends stared at him openmouthed. The whole hall did too.  
  
"I ask you all to kindly stop looking at me like I've said something that sounded smart for once, cause I might feel offended and hurt and I might start crying. Then you'd have to deal with Mr. Yuy-Maxwell being upset with my being upset. I assure you that the outcome wouldn't be pretty."  
  
From this point on the conference continued rather smoothly. Heero was forced to intervene only once, but it was completely justified - after all, he couldn't allow any of the younger females to smile too presumptuously at his husband. The poor hysterical reporter in question was led outside and served some tranquilizing pills. Heero had to promise her a private photo session with Duo in exchange for breaking her camera.  
  
After that, Duo was in constant danger of falling asleep. Nobody dared even to look at him properly, much less ask a question. He resigned to hold Heero's hand, to prevent further outbursts. It turned out later that he risked severe hand injury, since it was inevitable that someone would ask the age-old question.  
  
"So, who's on top?"  
  
"We toss a coin." Duo replied straight-faced.  
  
The conference ended, with the unspoken promise of three retransmissions (because it did go live on three channels already) and several special editions hanging in the air.  
  
And Cosmopolitan's 'Do it Gundam-boy style.'  
  
**To Be Continued**  
  
See that nice button below? Go ahead, try it. It is yourrr frrriend. 


	5. Celebration

Author: Keiran  
Title: All is fair in Love and Peace 5/6  
Rating: PG-13  
Genre: Romance  
Pairings: 1+2, 3+4, 5+S, 6+9  
Warnings: Shounen-ai. Wufei torture.  
Archive: My site! If anyone wants to have it, all they have to do is ask. ^_^ I won't say 'no'.

This fic has been betaed by Sundaire. bows Japanese-style (i.e. all of the hair lands on the ground before her)

*****

There is something special about a wedding party. It is supposed to be a romantic event, an unforgettable 'once in a life time.'   
  
Of course, put one Duo Maxwell in charge of events, and anything that happens you'd be unable to forget, no matter how much you might want to (the latter holds true for a distinct species of 'Wufei').   
  
The newlyweds were ushered into the middle of the party. Duo didn't even have a chance to raise a brow before he was whisked away from the group into a circle of ladies. Heero – naturally – followed, glaring at everything that moved, until Duo pulled him close, putting his arm around Heero's waist.   
  
"Stop glaring, will you? You might give somebody a coronary, or something." Heero glared in response. "I'm warning you. Stop it, or I'll become really evil." Heero glanced at his husband sideways, and immediately turned to glare at a female who tried to get Duo's attention by touching his shoulder. "Have it your way."   
  
The long-haired young man shrugged his shoulders and brought his lips to Heero's ear, snatching a napkin from a table at the same time.   
  
Five minutes later, the very same couple was seen stumbling from the bathroom, out of breath. Unfortunately, the one to glimpse them was the black-haired, white-clad Chinese 'Justice Freak' on duty, privately known as Chang Wufei. Since the corridor was rather deserted at that time (the Gundam Pilot's Manual – 'how to make an unnoticed exit' came in handy), nobody noticed the long-haired boy almost collapse with laughter when they were forced to save Wufei's pristine white clothing.   
  
Since they were all rather adept with those kind of occurrences, it went smoothly. However, as they were entering the ballroom again, they were noticed.  
  
"Where were you?" Sally asked her husband, glancing at the trio's slack appearance.   
  
"Wufei got a nosebleed when he met us in the toilet," Duo answered cheerfully. "So, we, being the good guys, helped. I really should consider changing professions. I spend most of my time recently treating nosebleeds."   
  
Both Wufei and Heero glared. Wufei at Duo, Heero at Wufei.  
  
"What were you doing in the bathroom?" Relena asked almost breathlessly, gazing at Heero's undone collar.  
  
"Well, Heero had an… emergency."   
  
The vice-minister almost drooled. Her blond friend joined in the effort. The group was conspiratorially hunched under one of the larger plants, to avoid unnecessary guests.  
  
"Was it serious?" Quatre arrived hearing emergencies being mentioned, dragging his husband behind him.   
  
"Nothing I couldn't deal with myself," Duo said proudly.   
  
"Well, you could have called for a commission, at least," Dorothy said clearly indicating just who should be on that committee.   
  
"Whatever for?"   
  
"That's a big experience, you know. We should have made sure nobody got hurt in the process."  
  
"Like I never did that on my own? Come on!"  
  
"You said you didn't." Wufei tried to retrieve his bleeding dignity.  
  
"Huh? Fei, you know I did! First hand experience and all that jazz."   
  
The group stared. Dorothy smirked. Oh, she was ecstatic. This time the match was going to be perfect.  
  
"So…," she started slowly, "I trust there wasn't too much blood?"  
  
"Nah, just at the beginning. But that's inevitable, you know."   
  
The smirking blond girl was counting words carefully.  
  
"Did it hurt?"  
  
"Well, not in itself, but Heero came **really** close to strangling me." Duo pouted. "You'd think he would show **some** gratitude, but noooo, all he did was hurry me up. And he wasn't particularly gentle with it."   
  
In the meantime, a snickering Mrs. Chang was leading Mr. Chang back to the restroom. Quatre and Trowa were watching the couple disbelievingly. Relena was blinking shocked.   
  
Heero wasn't listening. He decided that after that episode, it'd be safer to tune the world out for a little while. As long as Duo's attention was focused on somebody else rather than him.  
  
"Whatever happened to the napkin I saw you borrow?" Miss Catalonia inquired innocently.   
  
Duo blinked. "A napkin?"  
  
"Yes, that white piece of cloth you nicked from the table."  
  
"Oh, **that** napkin! Well, I needed to stuff **something** in his mouth, or my eardrums would have burst." Duo shrugged. "Toilet paper doesn't really work, bits of paper are left and it tastes awfully."   
  
Quatre was gaping open mouthed. Trowa went to the extremes of pointing his nose to the ceiling to be able to look at the couple with both eyes at the same time. Relena was hanging limply off Iria's arm (who had appeared as soon as she noticed Wufei being lead from the room). It's safe to add that she was listening to the conversation with silent disbelief.  
  
Duo glanced up, seeing Wufei walk unsteadily back into the ballroom.   
  
"Poor Fei. Is your nose better?" he asked sweetly, looking rather concerned. Sally cast him a half amused glance. Milliardo and Noin realized finally where the action was, and decided to join. Une trailed several steps behind them, talking with Mariemaia.  
  
~An Insight Into Heero's Mind~  
  
RRRIIIING!  
  
Wake up, dolt!  
  
~End of Insight~  
  
Heero furrowed his brows and glared at Wufei. Wufei glanced at him, peered at Duo, who was about to start another round of conversation with Dorothy, and did some quick calculations.   
  
Seemingly accepting of the results, he stepped forward and grabbed the long-haired man's face in both hands, proceeding to kiss him deeply, thus shocking the company into silence for good.  
  
Duo staggered backwards when released, landing in Heero's arms. He was doing a great impression of a goldfish. That was more or less the same expression the rest of the people were carrying.  
  
Save for Heero, who was fuming, and Wufei, who was smirking.  
  
"Now, if you would please excuse me, I need to hide somewhere Yuy won't look," Mr. Chang concluded and all but ran away. Sally gaped at everybody for a few seconds, then followed.   
  
"Well. Looks like Chang finally realized there is a way to shut Duo up," Dorothy drawled. "Took him long enough."   
  
Heero snapped. "What do you mean 'he realized there is a way'!" he growled.  
  
"Oh, please. It was as obvious as the very light of the day."   
  
Heero was drawing conclusions he didn't find funny in the slightest. He would have went after Dorothy's neck, if he wasn't holding Duo, who was still slightly out of it. Fortunately it didn't take long to get him going again.  
  
"Oh man. Who was that and what the hell happened to Wu?" he asked shocked.  
  
"It might have been an evil alien, attempting to rule the universe, by planting alien germs in you." Dorothy shrugged. "Or, that was Wufei, but he developed some suicidal tendencies in the meantime, and tried to act on them, in a rather roundabout way."  
  
"How was the kiss, by the way?" she added.  
  
"Huh? Oh, okay, I guess," Duo answered, still gaping at nothing in particular. "Not that I have **that** much to compare it with, but still."  
  
"Better than Heero's?" Dorothy earned herself a very high place on the 'To Kill' list.  
  
"I don't know. It might have been, if he hadn't run away so soon." There was a pause. "Is there a volcano somewhere near?"  
  
"No, why do you ask?" Relena answered weakly.  
  
"Cause something is grumbling, rather menacingly." Considering that Duo was held against Heero's chest, it was a very correct evaluation of the situation. Heero had had enough though. He pulled his spouse to the nearest wall and pinned him there.   
  
He then proceeded to kiss the breath out of him. By the time he was finished, all the photographers that had been allowed at the party had about a roll of film each of the event, and Duo required another mouth-to-mouth to resume his normal breathing pattern.  
  
"Oh wow," he moaned softly when he was finally released. Heero smirked.  
  
"Hn."  
  
"I could make a mint by selling 'The Great Dictionary of Hn,' you know. Starting with a 'Hn' which means roughly 'would you please stop munching on my cookie, thank you very much' through 'Hn' translated to 'that wouldn't by any chance be my gun, would it?' up to 'HN!' 'make me dinner now, and don't even think about shirking your turn with peeling the grapes,'" Duo remarked casually.  
  
"So, what did that one mean?" Quatre inquired politely.   
  
Duo coughed and blushed. "More or less 'you've seen nothing yet.'"  
  
"You know… if you ever wrote that dictionary, I might make it an addition to the standard Preventers manuals. Of course the most anybody would ever need to know is 'stay away from Maxwell, or you might get yourself a painful bullet-wound.'" Une said thoughtfully.  
  
"What Milliardo usually tells people comes down to: 'Hey, newbie? Seen a kid with a braid a meter long? Cute, isn't he? Yeah, I know. There is a psycho following him around. And he thinks the kid is cute too.' Pretty effective." Noin grinned at Heero, who promptly demonstrated his dentition (because no one with a sane mind would call it a smile).  
  
"That would be because Milliardo usually talks to people after they try something," Heero said.  
  
"It's not my fault they don't look like they've even been making a pass on Duo before they get stomped," Milliardo puffed. Sally chose that moment to appear.  
  
"I would kindly ask all of you to stop harassing my husband, as of now," she said menacingly. "You might want to remember that I'm in charge of you physical health," she added pleasantly.   
  
"Chill out! We're not doing anything to him!" Duo said. "Why would I want to harass Wu?"  
  
"I'm not even talking about you! And don't you dare to go molesting Wufei again!"  
  
That shut Duo 'The Chatterbox' Maxwell up… "Moles…ting?" …to the point of gaping. "Me?"   
  
"Yes! And don't think I don't know that you purposefully dragged Heero to that bathroom to have your evil way with them both!"  
  
~Interlude~  
  
There are some things, that people do not expect.   
  
There are some things people do not believe in.   
  
With that said, prepare to enter the Dark Zone, where Normal Things Do Not Happen Very Often.  
  
~End of Interlude~  
  
Duo 'The Cavalry' Maxwell got a nosebleed.   
  
Nosebleeds, in general, were something he dealt with on regular basis, however, they were never his own. It was usually either Heero or Wufei. So we must excuse him, while he was staring stupefied at his palm, where the very first drops of blood had fallen.  
  
"Well, shit," he exclaimed finally. "Looks like the Wu-germs caught up to me." He expertly fished a tissue out of his pocket wiping all the traces of the blood away. "There's not much, good for me! But, Sally, what the hell do you mean, have my evil way with them both?"  
  
"You were in that bathroom, the three of you! I do not even want to know what you were doing in there! It's an injustice what you were doing to Wufei. In a public place, no less!" Sally halted her tirade and blinked at Duo and Dorothy who were rolling on the floor with laughter.  
  
"Oh man, I knew it was going to be rich." Duo beamed. "Dorothy, you're the best. We could make a mint you know, if we had a show in TV."  
  
"So what the hell were you doing in that bathroom!" Quatre squeaked.   
  
"Treating Heero's and then Wufei's nosebleed."  
  
Fortunately, for all involved (including the fate of peace) the dinner was served.   
  
Let it be noted though that Dorothy and Duo almost made it onto the table, if it hadn't been for Heero intervening. We're probably better off not knowing why he had seen it fit to snatch handcuffs from one of the bodyguards wandering the hall though.  
  
The dinner was rather uneventful. Wufei appeared, yes, but he wasn't killed. Or shot. Or even cursed with the Curse of the Mysterious Gel Bottle, that seemed to have gotten Trowa when he was little. However, to make sure the dinner kept to its destined tracks (plate-mouth-stomach), Relena and Heero has been appointed 'Conversation Guardians.' Their role came down to stomping hard on Dorothy's and Duo's feet, respectively, to prevent any incidents.  
  
Since Relena was wearing high-heels, Dorothy finished the meal much more disgruntled than her braided counterpart. Of course that might be due to the fact that eating somehow didn't provoke any indecent couplings in the warped mind of the God of Death, so his feet were in relatively good shape.   
  
If you can call 'living' decent. [1]  
  
As soon as Heero managed to help Duo dig through his lobster without scaring anybody ('Are you sure we're supposed to eat that? It sure looks like a decoration to me') the more enjoyable part of the party had come.  
  
Dancing.  
  
"Hn."  
  
"Thank you very much Heero. Now, come on."   
  
"No."  
  
"Please?"  
  
"Dance with Wufei." There was not much one could say to such a development. So no one did.  
  
Duo sat down in front of Heero.  
  
His violet eyes grew large and started to shimmer.  
  
His lower lip started to tremble.  
  
He sniffled.   
  
And – predictably – Heero snapped. He got up and hauled Duo to his feet. Duo's smile immediately reappeared, bright as usual.  
  
"Don't be angry sweetheart [2]," Duo said beaming. "I just really wanted to dance with you. Really, really," he finished, adding a peck on his husband's lips for good measure. "I'll make it up to you, promise!"   
  
They made it to the middle of the dance floor. The waltz was playing, so they stepped close to each other and danced, occasionally waving to their friends. When they finally left the circle it was almost seven o'clock.  
  
The dessert was served.  
  
And thus the idyll came to an end.  
  
Since it was not required to sit down to eat this time, Dorothy was free to talk about exactly what and exactly where she wanted. The 'where' usually included Heero. The 'what' usually centered on Duo.  
  
So it comes as no surprise that halfway through the cake the Perfect Soldier felt the need to murder every blonde on the planet.  
  
***  
  
Wow. I have never seen so many people in one place! Most of them are important too. I think I've seen Relena Peacecraft, isn't that incredible?   
  
Oops, got caught up in daydreaming. Someone's calling from my side of the ball room! Sigh. Ballroom… it's so romantic… Oh. It's that cute guy with long hair.   
  
"Hello. Would you mind getting me a large glass of water? Without ice?"   
  
And he's really nice too. What a pity he got married today. To a guy, no less. All the good ones are already taken. I make my way to the kitchen to fetch the nice boy his water. Hm. He didn't ask for lemon. [3] Better bring it separately, in case he wanted it.  
  
That brown-haired boy reminds me of someone… right, he's the husband of the cute one! He seems mad, I wonder why. I place the water and lemon in front of the violet-eyed boy, nod and smile in response to his thanks, then I walk back to my observation spot near the palm. I am watching him and his friends now – they're pretty, and they're funny, besides, they're standing by **my** table. I'm on duty. I had to snicker at that. I like being a waitress.  
  
I see the dark-haired boy turning around and snapping at… Dorothy Catalonia?   
  
Oh my god! The long-haired guy just dumped the water on his husband's lap! Napkins, where are the napkins! I race towards them, holding a load of napkins in my arms.  
  
Uh oh, the man is furious. I better back down.  
  
"Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Heero! Don't be angry, please?"   
  
I don't know how he can grin in a time like this.   
  
"Let's go and get you dried, shall we? I don't want you to catch a cold."   
  
There's that grin again. Oh, I want to have a boyfriend like this one!  
  
They both left the party bidding their friends goodnight.   
  
Yep, I guess we're not going to see them until late morning tomorrow. And from the looks of it, the rest of the newlyweds is contemplating doing the very same thing.  
  
***  
  
[1] I can't remember who said that about ff.net banning the NC-17 rating – 'will they next ban people from living? Cause the life itself is NC-17' or something to that effect.  
  
[2] Everybody says 'sweetheart' sometimes. The day just wouldn't be complete without it.  
  
[3] I did that on purpose. Duo didn't ask for the lemon. ^_^  
  



	6. The Wedding Night

Author: Keiran  
Title: All is fair in Love and Peace 6/7  
Rating: R. It contains a lemon, but it's not particularly descriptive.  
Genre: Romance  
Pairings: 1+2, 3+4, 5+S, 6+9 overall, 1x2 in this part.  
Warnings: yaoi, mild lemon.  
Archive: My site! If anyone wants to have it, all they have to do is ask. ^_^

This fic has been betaed by Sundaire. bows Japanese-style (i.e. all of the hair lands on the ground before her)

***

Heero and Duo made their way to the elevator slowly, with Heero glaring every once in a while from under his bangs. The glaring ceased once they were locked in the elevator. Mostly because it was hard to glare when your face is connected to the thing you're glaring at.   
  
"Not angry anymore? I hoped so," Duo said when he was finally able to get a word in between. "Hey, don't start fretting! I told you I'll make it up to you!"  
  
"Make it up to me, how?" Heero growled.  
  
"Weeeell, I might volunteer to be bottom tonight?"   
  
"Hn. You don't have to volunteer for that."  
  
"Hey! I resent the implication! You're so not getting to be top all the time!" Duo exclaimed.  
  
"Hn."  
  
"Just because I've got long hair and huge eyes doesn't mean I'm the lady of this relationship. I am not a lady, pal. I'd like to see a girl who could get a toaster to make scrambled eggs and **still** be a toaster afterwards."  
  
"You're a virgin."  
  
"You just had to bring that up. Excuse me for having been twelve when I last encountered a potential sexual object. You'd be a virgin too if you were stuck on a huge ship full of guys over forty for three years and thrust into the middle of a war afterwards. Seeing G everyday during breakfast works wonders for your hormones. You don't even need to get off anymore. That, however, doesn't mean I have no idea what's going on."  
  
"You didn't when this whole mess started."  
  
"I encountered some minor discrepancies in the technical information department, so sue me. If you were a girl there would be no problems. How did you manage to get someone to sleep with anyway? Unless it was something I'd rather not hear."  
  
"Hn. Standard training procedure."   
  
Duo groaned. "Don't tell me, I don't want to know. Please don't tell me."  
  
"Anybody ever explain to you what a prostitute is?"  
  
"I knew I didn't want to know. Was the creepy psycho of yours monitoring?" Duo asked almost curiously.  
  
"Hn," which in Heero-speak meant loosely 'I'm not going to grace it with an answer.' "I'm surprised you didn't get it."  
  
"Well, there is a shortage of woman who can survive in space while waiting for a john. And does the number twelve ring any bells? Pedophilia is a crime where I come from. Plus, most of the Sweepers were too old to feel the need to screw anything that even remotely resembles a girl. I probably could get some if I really wanted to, but I grew up rather asexually and living with G, Howard and the Sweepers didn't help any."  
  
"What do you mean 'grew up asexually?'" Heero felt disturbed slightly.  
  
"Ever tried to think about getting laid when you're getting away from thugs who want to fuck you into the floor with or without your consent? Good way not to think about sex for the next couple of centuries. Although I probably would have slept with Hilde, if she didn't decide I wasn't convinced when I was kissing her. And immediately after the wars I started to live with you, which is not exactly a good opportunity to look for a bed mate." Here Duo hesitated. "Wait… apparently it is."  
  
"Hn. You're still a virgin."  
  
"If that disturbs you **that** much, give me, say, half an hour and I'll try to do something about it. I'm sure Wufei won't mind helping me out."  
  
"In half an hour you won't be a virgin anymore anyway," Heero's teeth gritted audibly at the mention of Wufei.  
  
"Don't be so sure," Duo muttered. Then he felt the need to change the topic. "Say, you have any lube, or something?" Heero went bright red. "Of course Relena promised to get the suite and the cabin stocked, but I get the feeling that what we will get is rose petals, satin, silk, handcuffs and champagne, but no lube. Cause you know she got herself invited for one of the movies me and Quatre watched, and she somehow got the idea that a gay guy is the ultimate incarnation of cuteness. She scares me sometimes, you know."  
  
"You are the ultimate incarnation of cuteness." The elevator made a sudden jerking movement at Heero's statement. Or at least that's what it felt like to Duo, who found himself on the floor.  
  
"Dorothy was right, evil aliens are invading the Earth. First Fei, now you. Next thing you know, Relena will get herself a bazooka to carry as a hand-gun and Trowa will start a talk-show. I prefer not to know what would happen to Quatre.  
  
"Do you realize you've just complimented me? And however insulting it may be, cause I am male after all, it was also quite nice?"  
  
"I'm just agreeing with Relena."  
  
"I'm not gay."   
  
Heero raised a brow. "You do realize you are saying that after you've been married to a guy and on your way to getting rid of your virginity?" The Perfect Soldier's mind could be pretty one-tracked.  
  
"Rub it in, will you," Duo grumbled. "Where does everybody get the idea that I'm a pansy? So I have long hair and am tiny, so sue me **again**. Half of the twentieth-century rock men had long hair and I don't see anybody calling them queer. And it's not my fault that I didn't grow properly. Blame the L2 citizens for not throwing away enough nutritious meals. Damn, I need to get Relena to force a law: 'Thou shall throw away an equivalent of a day's worth of nutrients every three days.'" Heero looked at his husband sadly. He moved forward suddenly and embraced him tightly burying his face in Duo's neck.  
  
"I'm sorry," he whispered, almost too softly to be heard. Duo fell quiet. Then he took Heero's face in his hands and looked into his husband's eyes.  
  
"Heero. I'm not upset. I won't be upset every time something reminds me of my childhood. I was just joking. Besides, I know it's not that bad now. L2 might be poor, but hell, when I was a kid there was a war going on. Things are looking up now. And of course I don't mind being tiny that much. In fact it works to my advantage, usually," Duo said firmly and kissed Heero tenderly. "Hey, why don't you release the stop button now, so that we can get to our room?"  
  
"Idiot," Heero smirked and finally allowed the elevator to leave its spot between third and fourth floor.   
  
"I know. But I'm your idiot now, and there's nothing you can do about it," Duo said, his voice cheerful, yet Heero heard the undertones that spoke that Duo wasn't as secure as he wanted to sound.  
  
"Idiot. I wouldn't leave you anyway," Heero said in a tone that would be called detached and monotone, if it was used by anyone but Heero. The statement was rewarded with a brilliant smile and another soft kiss.  
  
"We're here! Oh, joy. I hope I got through Relena's thick head that pink is not an option. That girl sure is delusional. White is fine, baby blue – okay, even fucking lilac! Just not pink."  
  
"What do you have against pink, anyway?"  
  
"Well, for starters, it's pink. Not good enough? I like pink, generally. I like the deep one-step-over-crimson pink. I can even survive baby pink. As long as... a. I don't wear it, b. it isn't all around me. It's just something about Relena in pink that puts me off. She just isn't a pink person. And of course limos aren't pink things."  
  
They were standing at the doors to their suite. Heero hned and opened them wide, gallantly letting Duo in first. The long haired boy immediately bounced to check out the bedroom. His husband found him there a minute later, and when he did, he gaped.  
  
"Guess what, I was right about the rose petals and the champagne. The sheets are silk alright. I suppose that the hard thing digging into my thigh in the elevator might be called the handcuffs, so we're almost fully stocked." Duo walked around the bed and peered into one of the bedside cabinets and whistled. "Did you know they make a cinnamon scented lube? There's also strawberry, lemon, mint, peach and rose even. I take back whatever I might have said about Relena and her idea of supplying."  
  
The bed and the floor around it were indeed covered with rose petals. The linens were made of dark, violet silk and the canopy was – a moment of suspense – satin. Burgundy, for a change. The whole room was rather dark, most of it dark crimson. However, you couldn't say it was depressive because of the amount of ancient looking oil-lamps scattered everywhere. Dark, heavy, blood-red curtains were ready to block whatever sunlight was still shining. There was a bucket filled with ice and a bottle of champagne standing near a tiny fridge.  
  
There was also a bright side to the suite: a sitting room, equipped with a couch, two sofas and a couple of chairs. What's more, the designer of this chamber had an obvious cushion fetish. Every sitting place had at least one cushion per person, plus big, bouncy cushions on the floor, tiny embroidered ones on the shelves and even almost-completely-flat pillows hanging on the wall. Duo gave a squeal of joy when he saw the room. He loved cushions. His own room had a fair share of them.   
  
The walls of the room were a pale but warm yellow. The sunlight was making them glow, giving the whole place an appearance of an open desert tent bathed in the light of the setting sun.  
  
All in all, the suite was a distinctively royal place.  
  
"I'm going to have a shower," Duo announced. Heero, meanwhile, noticed a neat package on the small table. He picked up a card that went with it.   
  
'Dear Duo,' it read.  
'Here's a little something from me to you. Something that should help you tonight – I dare say Heero would love to see you out of it.   
Love, Dorothy'  
  
Heero raised a brow and passed the message to the addressee. Bright violet eyes skimmed over the message quickly.  
  
"Want to see now, or should I dress up first?"  
  
"Hn."  
  
"Thought so." Nimble fingers undid the ribbons and pulled the wrapping paper away. Inside was a warm, soft, flannel **pink** pair of pajamas with bunnies all over it. "Aww. It's cute. Don't you think Heero?"  
  
"Hn."   
  
"Right. Well, I'll be going now. I need to brush my hair and stuff. See you when I'm done!" Heero watched after him for a few seconds than walked to the other bathroom. It didn't take him long to shower. He dried himself carefully and left the bathroom, waiting for his husband to join him.  
  
Duo didn't disappoint. He appeared few minutes later with his hair re-braided loosely, fluffy pink pajamas in place. He grinned at Heero.  
  
"Shall we get started, or are we waiting for someone?"  
  
Heero turned on his heel and marched back into the bathroom, sat down on the floor and meditated. On the purpose of weddings. And big, silk-covered beds. And fluffy pink pajamas. And Duos. Duos in said pajamas on said beds. Duos **without** said pajamas on said beds, throwing their heads back and moaning. Yes, there were some Heeros in the picture too. They were at that moment with their mouth near Duos' neck, nibbling.  
  
"Heero! Get out of there!" The Perfect Soldier heard an annoyed voice through the door. "Come on! Oh hell, L1 has about a billion inhabitants and I had to get stuck with a guy who backs out before the wedding **night**. Damn." With that said, the voice quieted and sounds of footsteps walking away from the bathroom were heard.   
  
A few minutes later Heero felt safe enough to go out. What he wasn't counting on was Duo falling asleep so quickly. He almost felt the need to smack himself. He should have remembered that Duo – if he deemed the place safe enough – would fall asleep at every and any time. Same went for the place. Mr. Yuy-Maxwell glared before crawling over to his peacefully slumbering spouse. He glared at one of the bunnies populating Duo's back, as if it all was its fault. The bunny seemed unconcerned and continued on munching its carrot.   
  
Heero slowly undid the loose braid, putting the scrunchie next to himself, and ran his finger through the soft hair.   
  
Duo purred, but didn't move.  
  
Heero poked the bunny he was glaring at earlier. That particular bunny was situated directly in the middle of Duo's back.  
  
Duo stirred. "**Now** you want some, eh? Well, now I'm sleeping. Good night." Heero glared. And stared. And stared some more. He was getting desperate. "If you think you can **stare** me into… AAGHH!"   
  
Heero blinked and watched as his spouse disappeared under the bed. A minute later there was a bang when the doors to the suite flew open admitting the rest of the newlyweds, Relena and Dorothy in. (Relena and Dorothy decided to room together, and they were staying on the same floor as the couples. The advantages of being the world's most widely known politician.)  
  
There is something to be said about Duo's lung capacity, even if the group happened to be walking past the doors to the suite.  
  
They were put off a little when they saw Heero sitting on the bed, clad only in his boxers, and no Duo in sight. Wufei furrowed a brow.  
  
"What have you done to Maxwell, Yuy!" he bellowed. However, before anymore could be said or done, Duo peeked from under the bed.  
  
"Guys?"  
  
"Duo!" The next few minutes had Duo pulled into the light, patted and hugged comfortingly. Everybody glared at Heero at least once.   
  
The only reason he ended up in Heero's lap afterwards was the extremely threatening stare everyone who volunteered was given.  
  
"What happened?" Quatre asked softly, still glaring at the brown-haired boy.  
  
"Heero scared me," was the mumbled response.  
  
"What did he do?" Behold! Detective Sherlock Quatre is on the case. Nothing will escape his scrutiny.  
  
"He gave me a puppy face," Duo answered somberly. The room stared at him for a long while. Then it started to laugh, represented by six young people. "Hey! It's not funny, you know! I'm getting freaked out here! And you're not helping any!"  
  
"A puppy face?" Dorothy managed in between aristocratically contained giggles. "That would have been scary, if it wasn't Heero you were speaking of. Wait, then it wouldn't." She paused and tried to go through her sentence again. This brought her to a conclusion rather fast. "Duo, the marriage is doing bad things to your head. You're delusional."   
  
The boy scowled. "I am **not** kidding."  
  
"Okay. Maybe the wedding night wasn't such a bright idea, after all. Duo, you go and sleep in Dorothy's room, and Relena will stay here," Quatre advised. The suggestion made Heero's blood boil.  
  
"OUT!" he screamed. He dumped his spouse on the bed, jumped to his feet and started ushering people out of the door. None too gently. Duo sat where he was left, overwhelmed a bit. It was only when the door clicked shut he regained control of himself. Heero returned breathing harshly.  
  
"Uh, Heero?" Duo asked tentatively. "Are you mad or something? Cause, you know, I can leave and come back later, okay? Uh, why are you looking at me like that? I'm not a spider, you know? Heero?" The dark haired boy advanced menacingly. His husband backed further and further, until he hit the headboard. A few seconds later, the pair was nose to nose.  
  
Heero stared into Duo's eyes for a short while. Then he moved forward a bit more and pressed his lips to his husband's. He rubbed them together tenderly, before prying Duo's mouth open with his tongue. He was still leaning forward, balancing on his hands and knees, while the other boy was practically glued to the headboard. Heero moved, linking his arms around his husband's back and pulling him forward. He fell on his back with Duo on top of him. His palms found their way under the pink pajamas, running his hands over the smooth skin they found there.  
  
Duo started squirming, trying to get away from Heero's grasp. Heero, mildly confused, allowed his husband to rise.  
  
"Is there something wrong?"  
  
"Not that wrong. I just need to braid my hair," Duo replied collecting all of the hair behind his back. He divided it into three parts and started braiding deftly. Heero frowned.  
  
"I want you to leave it down."  
  
"No way! It's going to be hell to deal with!"   
  
Heero sighed. He was going to consent… for now. But later, he would put one hell of a fight over it! Even if he was to brush it afterwards on his own. Which did have a certain ring to it… Heero woke from his planning and was suddenly treated to the sight of Duo's bottom waving in the air. "Where is my scrunchie?" The dark haired man blinked. He located the small black thing quickly and tied it around the end of the braid.  
  
"Are you happy now?" he asked gruffly. Duo beamed.  
  
"Very," he said leaning forward again, so that their lips could meet again. They kissed for a short while, until Heero flipped them over, so that he ended up on top once more. He straddled Duo's hips and sat up, moving his hands to undo the buttons on the pink garment. "Well, looks like Dorothy knew what she was doing," Duo muttered to himself, "However, according to that theory, Relena should be getting jumped every second turn, or so."   
  
He yelped when Heero suddenly yanked him forward. Their tongues started another duel as the top was removed from its owner's torso and landed on the floor. Duo fell backwards, throwing his arms above his head. He looked at Heero from under heavy eyelids.  
  
"You like what you see?"  
  
"Hn," Heero replied, latching onto Duo's sweet mouth once again. His hands stopped on the boy's chest, stroking the pink nipples delicately. Duo's hands in turn encircled his back, dipping his fingers lightly into Heero's boxers. Then they left, moving upwards into the dark brown hair. Heero rocked his hips sharply, drawing a surprised gasp from Duo, when he felt the hardness rubbing against his groin. Heero grinned insanely, eliciting a very frightened gulp from Duo. **That** expression on the Perfect Soldier could only mean one thing – someone was going to get blown up.  
  
"You sure you need me here? I, uh, forgot to turn off the stove at home?" Duo tried carefully. His partner ceased all movements and gazed at him steadily, supporting himself on his hands and knees.  
  
"Yes. I need you here. Very much so," Heero said, punctuating each word with a kiss. He swiped his tongue over Duo's jaw, working his way to his lips again. "It's not like you **don't**, right?" he asked rubbing his hips against the other boy's lightly. Duo blushed heavily, realizing how aroused they both were. Heero sat back on his heels, pulling Duo before him. He ran his hands over his lover's chest again, teasing the nipples until they were hard, only then leaving to caress Duo's sides. The boy giggled helplessly when Heero ran his hands over his ticklish spots. His own palms jerked sharply on Heero's chest, dropping down to his hips, clutching the black material there. As much fun tickling Duo was, Heero didn't want to end their first time because Duo was reduced to a helpless, sleepy kitten, which happened virtually every time after a tickle war. Since he was already reaching the 'helplessly giggling' stage, Heero did one thing that would surely take both their minds of tickling and giggling.  
  
He slipped his hands into Duo's pajamas.  
  
The giggles were forgotten in a flash. Duo's eyes opened wide, before he clenched them shut and rested his forehead against Heero's shoulder, panting lightly. Heero, sensing that Duo was in no condition to do anything, gently lowered him onto the linens and eased the trousers from his legs. He threw them aside, bringing his head down to smother Duo's chest with wet kisses. However, he didn't take into account that Duo had the shortest adaptation time know to mankind. The only warning Heero got before he felt a soft palm closing around his erection was a hand burying itself in his hair. He looked at his partner startled, as soon as he felt he could grunt coherently. Said partner grinned.  
  
"Told you I know what's going on," he said.  
  
"Oh, really," Heero countered panting, grabbing both of Duo's wrists and holding them with one hand easily.  
  
"Hey! That's not fair!" Duo tried to wriggle out of the hold, but Heero had him pinned to the bed.  
  
"It's more fun this way."  
  
"Yeah, right. Hee…ro," Duo finished weakly as Heero's other hand started to stroke his cock rhythmically, while the other boy was rubbing his silk-clad erection lightly against his bottom. Heero smirked. Life **was** good. When he was certain that he would hear nothing more (save for some delicious ego-boosting moans) from Duo's lips, he let go of his wrists and moved to the cupboard to retrieve a bottle of lube. He carefully weighed the advantages and disadvantages of rose and peach, bearing in mind that Duo couldn't stand the artificial smell of strawberries. [1]  
  
"I knew there was something wrong," he muttered darkly. "Where the hell is something that's not aromatized?" He threw everything upside down, until finally his fingers closed over a small, inconspicuous bottle. He turned back to the bed in triumph, but any words (or grunts) he might have wanted to use escaped him, as he gazed upon the still figure of his husband, spread wantonly on the bed, waiting patiently. His rosy lips were parted, drawing soft breaths, while his violet eyes never left Heero's. He smiled tenderly and extended his hand in invitation. And he was all Heero's.  
  
The Japanese boy rid himself of his boxer shorts and settled between his husband's legs. He leaned forward, pressing his mouth to Duo's, coaxing it open with his tongue. The bottle slipped through his fingers as he was finally able to feel Duo with every part of his body. Heero thought he might die just then. After all, this was what he dreamed of doing for the past… two years? He sat back purposefully, dragging his hands slowly down Duo's body, drawing lazy circles on the heated skin. The dark-haired man placed a sloppy kiss on his husband's navel, sliding his tongue upwards, to encircle his nipple. Duo moaned softly, feeling gentle tugging at his breast. He brought his hand up and clutched Heero's arm tightly.  
  
"You okay?" Heero asked suddenly. Duo lifted his eyes and nodded slightly. Heero sat up reaching for the bottle of lube, unscrewing it almost immediately. Duo hosted himself on his elbows, but dropped back down almost immediately when his husband slid one of his slick fingers into him.  
  
"Oh, fuck!" he exclaimed.  
  
"That's one way to put it," Heero agreed. "I would, however, prefer the term 'lovemaking.'"  
  
"Now you're getting a sense of humor. Who would have thought," Duo panted, putting as much sarcasm between the sharply drawn breaths as he could muster. "I do hope you realize that one, I'm a fucking teenager and two, I have never had sex before!"  
  
"Your point?" Heero slipped a second finger into Duo, preparing him. Duo arched his back and gave a low moan.  
  
"I can't, and **won't,** stand that for long!" Heero didn't answer; he just kissed him instead.  
  
"Just a little more," he whispered, making scissoring motions with his fingers and slipping a third finger in, once he was sure Duo could take it. He still wasn't sure if he was adequately prepared when he kneeled between his spread legs.  
  
"If you're trying to tell me that it's going to hurt, cut the bullshit and get on with it," Duo said. "I know."  
  
"I don't want it to hurt you."  
  
"I know that too." Heero didn't answer. He used some of the lube to slick his cock and positioned himself carefully at Duo's entrance. He pushed forward slightly, all the time watching his husband's face carefully. Seeing nothing but slight discomfort, he continued the penetration, stopping only when he was fully buried in his lover's body. Duo clutched his neck like a lifeline, whimpering slightly. Heero ran his hands soothingly down his back and legs, which were wrapped around his waist tightly.  
  
Duo bit his lip, slowly getting adjusted to the new feeling. The pain was fading slowly so he managed to bring his lips to Heero's, kissing the breath out of him. Heero took it as permission to move. He started with shallow thrusts, just to ensure that he really wasn't hurting Duo, building up strength and speed along the way. He sneaked his hand in between their bodies to close around Duo's erection. He mentally checked another point on his 'Not to Forget While Having Sex with Duo' List. He reviewed it mentally, nodding after each point.  
  
"Would you please stop doing that?" Duo groused. Heero turned his face up, surprised. Duo was still able to **think**? "You make me feel like piece of paper in a typewriter!" Heero sucked lightly on the juncture of Duo's neck instead of answering. He drew back a little more and thrust into the boy, making the long-haired boy virtually levitate above the bed in excitement. He grinned mentally, nodding as another point was checked.  
  
No 17. Hit Duo's prostate.  
  
What that hit didn't do for Duo, Heero's hand did. He came hard, falling onto the bed with a soft moan, blinking sleepily at his lover as he shuddered when his own orgasm hit him. Heero gathered his precious sprite to his chest and used some of the tissues (which he also found in the cupboard) to clean them up a little, before settling under the miraculously cool covers.  
  
Duo had his eyes closed already, and he was groping blindly for Heero, wishing for him to come and snuggle. The boy complied, wrapping his arms carefully around Duo's waist and kissing him on the forehead.  
  
"Goodnight."  
  
"G'dn'ght," Duo muttered sleepily, making himself comfortable in Heero's grasp. The newlyweds fell asleep quickly, hoping that tomorrow wouldn't be too keen on arriving. They were perfectly content with the moment.  
  
***To Be Continued***

[1] As much I love strawberries, I can't stand anything strawberry-scented. I don't know why, but shampoos, crèmes or lipsticks make me sick. Odd.


	7. Happily Ever After

Author: Keiran  
Title: All is fair in Love and Peace 7/7  
Rating: PG-13.  
Genre: Romance, humourous.  
Pairings: 1x2x1, 3x4x3 (or 4x3x4, with them you never know), 5xS, 6x9 overall.  
Warnings: shounen-ai, various deviations mentioned on Heero's part.  
Archive: Gundam Wing Diaries, my site. If you want it, I'll be more than happy to share, just drop me a line.  
Notes: This is the last part. My very first 'on-going' story finished! I'm so proud…

This fic has been betaed by Sundaire. Thank you!

* * *

The sun was shining as if it was mad, and not **just** mad – stark raving bonkers dance-naked-on-top-of-the-table-at-a-UESN-conference kind of mad. The day was beautiful, the kind of a day you only get when something is seriously amiss. However, for the time being, everything seemed to be perfect.  
  
Heero opened his eyes and immediately started to frown. Something was definitely not right! This… feeling he had; something totally new and alien to him. So alien, in fact, that he couldn't find the right name to describe it. Heero analyzed his state carefully. He was warm, check. He was content, check. He was relaxed, check. He was sleepy, check.  
  
There was only one conclusion. Heero remembered a book he once saw someone reading, and in it was the Word. Drowsy. Heero was drowsy. But being drowsy was not something that happened to him often – in fact he should never be drowsy. Drowsiness was unbecoming of a Perfect Soldier!  
  
But before Heero could schedule himself for some serious retraining sessions in the gym, something equally warm and soft stirred next to him.  
  
"Would you please stop thinking? Your brainwaves are disturbing my beauty sleep," someone groused. The voice made Heero remember finally. He was in bed with his newly married husband. It was the morning after their wedding night, and they'd been married for precisely 17 hours and 23 minutes according to the bedside clock. "Hubby?" Heero blinked.  
  
"Hn?"

"Well, you're my hubby now, right?" Heero's… mind perked at the innocently posed question. Yes, he was a 'hubby' all right. And **that** meant he had the right to execute his marital privileges.  
  
That meant no sneaking out of bed for Duo.  
  
Duo's mind quickly classified the looks running like mad ducks through Heero's face. He had a feeling that whatever they chose to attack wouldn't be able to walk straight for a month; therefore he chose a tactic retreat. Unfortunately, ever since they started living together they could no longer really mask their thoughts from each other like they used to do in the war. Which was why Duo was almost immediately pushed back onto the bed with a slight yelp and smothered with wet kisses.   
  
"Oh crap," Duo moaned once his mouth was finally free. "I knew there was a reason you should stay celibate. I'll kill Relena for setting me up!"  
  
"Could you please not mention any girls in bed? Especially **pink** girls?"  
  
"Is there any chance that if I say it again I might escape **walking**?" Heero pondered the question carefully straddling Duo's hips at the same time.  
  
"No," he answered finally. "But I'm sure we could order you a wheelchair."  
  
"That's assuming I'll be able to sit, you mean," Duo groused. But at the same time an unholy light lit in the depths of his eyes. "Say, Hee-baby. It occurs to me that **your** ass doesn't ache yet." Heero barely had time to grunt before he was flipped over and pinned rather effectively. "And since I was so cooperative yesterday, it would happen to be my turn today, hmm?" The dark-haired man frowned, while his counterpart started pressing tiny kisses wherever he could reach, slowly but surely working Heero into a frenzy. In other words, even if the Perfect Soldier had something other than sex on his mind, it chose to leave a message and disappear.  
  
"No," he was perfectly able to back his refusal with plenty of proof that Duo should be the submissive party here (Heero might allow himself to be dominated once in a while, but definitely not first thing in the morning), however he did not take Duo's persuasiveness into account. Let's face it – his chances of persuading Duo to do something he didn't want at the moment were almost as big as the chances of a single OZ soldier kicking Wing's butt wearing nothing more than a pink lace teddy. Which was why Heero greeted the new morning on his hands and knees, panting for all he was worth.  
  
Moments later Duo collapsed next to him equally spent.  
  
"Was I okay?" he asked anxiously, reaching out to touch Heero's face. Heero glared and pounced.  
  
"We are so not doing that anytime soon!" he growled. But before he could say anything else, Duo's bottom lips started to quiver and a hint of tears appeared in his huge eyes. Heero's resolve crumbled like a military base under Wing's beam cannon. Duo sniffled. Which was why Heero spent the rest of his morning trying to make his longtime partner stop feeling guilty.  
  
The making up consisted largely of a huge whirlpool bath, early breakfast delivered to the room, and of course no small amount of making out.   
  
Around midday, they finally chose to leave their room and went in search of their fellow victi… that is fellow newlyweds. As it turned out, they ran into Quatre, who was just taking the turn to knock on their door. The whole party (the newlyweds, Relena, Dorothy, Milliardo and Noin, who wouldn't miss it for the world) settled itself comfortably on every available surface in the sunny saloon connected to Heero's and Duo's suite. They called for coffee and tea to be delivered, along with freshly baked cookies.  
  
Heero took his place calmly and prepared to sit for as long as the meeting would last, never dropping the smug expression off his face. After all, it's not everyday that your day starts with having the first out of a long list of your sexual fantasies fulfilled. He was so enraptured in his smugness that it took him a while to notice that Duo and Quatre brought a laptop into the room and were in the process of discussing something earnestly. That didn't sit well with the Perfect Soldier. Duo was talking to Quatre, which meant he wasn't talking at him, which meant, he was being neglected.  
  
On the other hand, Heero thought, shifting uncomfortably on the couch, being neglected couldn't necessarily be that bad. Looking back at the first hand, however…  
  
"Duo," he said gruffly. "What are you doing?"  
  
"Typing," Duo replied, not even raising his head. Wufei snorted and walked over. Ignoring Quatre, who seemed slightly panicked, he glanced over Duo's shoulder. Good thing Quatre had been prepared and brought a pack of Kleenex with him, or the precious carpet would have been ruined. As it was, Wufei only managed to gain the attention of the whole room.  
  
"Maxwell!" he shrieked. "What are you doing?" Which, for the rest of the people gathered, meant that Duo did something of particular interest to everyone. Considering that he had Quatre at his side… The results could amuse millions for ages. Heero took Wufei's exclamation as his cue to inspect what was going on.  
  
It seemed like Duo was filling a report on their wedding night. Or two actually, since he obviously was typing one for Quatre as well. Naturally, chaos ensued.  
  
After nearly ten minutes of screaming/grunting/ranting/laughing madly some semblance of order was returned. Milliardo was lying on the couch chortling, since he had no strength for normal laughter left. In the meantime, both Duo and Quatre were pulled away from the computer and securely positioned on the couch. Dorothy and Relena took it upon themselves to investigate just why juicy descriptions of wedding nights were about to be shipped into the net by reviewing said descriptions, with rather eager expressions on both their faces.  
  
Meanwhile, Duo found himself subject to serious interrogating stares. "Why are you all accusing me? You didn't want to tell me anything, nobody wanted to tell me anything, so we naturally turned to alternative sources!"  
  
"What sources?"  
  
"Well, I'm sure you realize that porn takes up about 80% of the internet? Including mailing lists?" Duo answered easily. Quatre's face meanwhile was going through a wide spectrum of varying shades of red. "So we signed up for one and asked for information," he started to explain easily. "You have no idea how educated girls are when it comes to being a gay man. I mean, honestly, half the things they told us couldn't be found in any scientific book. Or anatomy atlas, for that matter. Or even on a can of whipped cream. People have funny hobbies, you know. So, we were asking for general information and this chick kindly sent us to a website, and told us to read. Boy was that educational!" Duo shot a thoughtful glance at Quatre. He leaned over rapidly and whispered something into the blonde's ear. Quatre's face immediately took on a nice Bordeaux year A.C. 150 shade. Duo sat back satisfied with his demonstration. "So, even Quat turned this shade of red, so as you can imagine the site was pretty informative. I considered briefly calling Wu-boy, but that would be too much even for him. I mean, even **Quatre** blushed. You'd think that with his complexion and total angelic look Quat would blush every time someone said the word 'sex,' but no, even I don't have a stash as big as he does when it comes to dirty publications."  
  
For a long moment the group of people was just wheezing on the couch, due to lack of air.  
  
Heero contemplated tying his cheerful husband up and carrying him off to their bedroom (Fantasies no. 1.1 down to 1.3 reared their rather becoming heads). One would think Duo had nothing better to do with his tongue sometimes. He shot a glance at Trowa. 'Well,' he thought 'Duo has a knack for causing odder things to happen.' The brown-haired clown, that no one with a sane mind would hire to do clown work, was snickering.  
  
The world was a strange place indeed.  
  
When everyone was finally under some semblance of control the discussion progressed. Milliardo mentally patted himself on the back for installing video cameras in the sitting room. Just as a side-note – his mental back started to hurt a lot since he got to meet Duo properly.

* * *

Three days later, everyone was seriously fed up with living in the huge hotel. There were journalists stalking their every move, either trying to get pictures of the couples in compromising positions or trying to attempt an interview. 'Trying' being the keyword.  
  
The above was the main reason why Duo chose to welcome the day of their departure hidden in Relena's and Dorothy's room.  
  
"He's, like, bent on trying to actually **give** them the damn photos!" he pouted into a pillow. He was sprawled on Dorothy's bed, face down, pressing his face against one of the fluffy white pillows.  
  
"Oh come on! It can't actually be that bad?" Dorothy said, polishing Relena's nails calmly. "He's just excited."  
  
"Excited my ass," Duo grumbled.  
  
"Well, from what you've been telling us he is pretty excited about your… ass, as you kindly revealed," she pointed out, carefully hoisting a small bottle of pearly pink nail polish in one hand.  
  
"That's not the point!"  
  
"Well, actually, I assume it is the bottom," Dorothy said calmly, looking at her female friend's ring finer critically. "I think you should get a ring Relena. Nothing overly big, a golden ring with a moonstone. It would make you look more distinguished." Meanwhile Duo choked.  
  
"I resent that implication! Do I have to screw Heero on national television to convince everybody I **ain't** a lady!?"  
  
"Interesting idea. We might start the rehearsals now."   
  
Duo eeped and fell off the bed. Dorothy smirked while Relena fished in her handbag (very carefully, of course. She wouldn't want Dorothy's hard work go to waste) for a camera, while Heero threw a protesting Duo over his shoulder and marched from the room.  
  
"Do you think we should save him?" Relena asked anxiously, blowing at her nails. She exchanged a look with the other blonde.  
  
"Nah," they said simultaneously.  
  
Meanwhile, Duo was carried into the bedroom and handcuffed to the bedpost. He rolled his eyes.  
  
"Heero, have you tried consulting a professional?" Heero paused in his work of removing his husband's shirt. His expression simply screamed 'why should I?' Duo sighed and shook his head. "You're a nymphomaniac, did you know that? I know that theoretically it isn't too bad, but many serious mental problems stem from uncured nymphomania for one. Like, you could turn into a necrophiliac or something." Heero paused again to consider. He furrowed his brow angrily.  
  
"Has someone been threatening you?"  
  
"Pedophile?"

"You are over the age of consent."  
  
"Zoophile?"

"As far as I know G didn't try to incorporate any foreign genes in you."  
  
"While J was feeding you Viagra, you meeeeeee…?" the rest of the sentence died in a hearty moan.  


* * *

The evening found Duo sitting on a stone bench with his bag at his feet, finishing his braid. Sally and Wufei watched him with a small dose of amusement.  
  
"You just have to do something, Sally! That guy is a nymphomaniac! He's gonna kill me, and you never know what's going to set him off! I'm seriously considering investing in a chastity belt, or else we'll both be unqualified for desk jobs I fear," the boy ranted. "Honestly, isn't there a limit?" he paused shortly. "But enough about me. I see Wufei isn't bleeding anymore? Or did he bleed to death last night and this is just a clever impersonator? If it is, he is way too silent."  
  
"No, this is the real Wufei," Sally answered, smirking. "He isn't talking because he is mad about being locked in a closet for the night. The impersonator is now packing; he is a little bit tired after yesterday." Wufei spluttered.  
  
"Woman!"

"What? Do you honestly expect me to believe that it was you who mhpf!" A slender, bronzed hand stopped further comments from the young doctor's mouth. Duo was laughing so hard tears almost fell from his eyes. Of course, being laughed at didn't sit well with Wufei; it was only natural that a fight ensued. Since the Chinese man knew better than to pick verbal fights with his long-haired friend, he chose to pounce instead. The pair landed with Duo's back on the soft grass.  
  
"Ha! That will teach you!" the black-haired youth exclaimed victoriously, straddling the other's hips and pressing his hands to the ground.  
  
"Wufei, I hope you do realize that your position is somewhat compromising, and if you don't get off soon, it's going to be all over the news tomorrow?"  
  
"Wufei, I hope you do realize that your position is somewhat compromising, and Heero would make a pulp out of you if he ever sees us?" Sally and Duo said in turn.  
  
"Hn," was Wufei's only comment. Duo started laughing again. The Chinese boy frowned and crossed his arms at his chest. "This is no laughing matter, Maxwell!"  
  
"Oh, I know Fei, but you just soooo reminded me of Hee-baby!"  
  
"Wufei, I hope you do realize that your position is somewhat compromising, and Heero would make a pulp out of you if he ever sees you like this?" another voice joined the party. It turned out to be Quatre, who was dragging his husband behind him.  
  
"That's what I told him, but he wouldn't listen," Duo sighed. He was still sprawled beneath Wufei.  
  
"Well, you should have thought about it before you started teasing me!" the black-haired boy shot back.  
  
"Chang…" Suddenly the temperature in the clearing fell. Silence reigned; one that you could cut with a knife. "I will kill you!"   
  
Wufei scrambled up immediately. He could do many things, but facing an angry Yuy was not one of them. And Duo didn't seem eager to save his hide this time.  
  
It probably would have resulted in bloodshed, if Relena hadn't appeared unexpectedly.  
  
"I'm sure you're all having a great time here, but may I remind you that you are scheduled for the grand leaving in just twenty minutes!? **Everybody** will be waiting for you! There are pictures to be made and all! So I suggest you move it!"  
  
Everyone present looked at each other. "Chill out, your majesty," Duo suggested. "We'll make it. And the less publicity, the better."

"This is all about publicity! Need I remind you?!"  
  
"The kind of publicity they're after, they can find at the closest video rental! Do I look like a porn star to you?"  
  
"Well, I don't know. You didn't allow for the security cameras to be installed in the suite," Relena shot back. Everybody present gaped.  
  
"I did have a feeling you were spending way too much time with Dorothy," Duo managed between gasps. "And look – I was right. Am I psychic or something?" Wufei used the momentarily distraction to cautiously retreat behind his wife. Yuy wouldn't try to harm a woman, would he? Heero's face meanwhile got a strange expression. The long-haired boy took one look at it and positively jumped at Relena. "Never **ever** use or encourage **any** conversation that has **any** sexual connotations around **him** **ever** again!" With that said he bolted.  
  
Virtually everyone looked first at the retreating braid then at Heero, their brows raised. Said Perfect Soldier looked in a rather predatory manner after the rapidly disappearing rope of hair. He moved to follow when he felt the eyes of the group focused on him. He glared around.  
  
"Hn," he said glaring. Suddenly, for all present, the trees surrounding the clearing started looking extremely interesting. Fortunately, for Duo's walking capabilities, they indeed needed to leave the hotel almost immediately. It was the only reason the Braided Wonder made it to the main hall of the hotel on his own two legs.   
  
The Grand Leaving, to the great surprise (and possible disappointment of some) went relatively smoothly. The press got their photos, the peace got its supporting material and Heero got his French kiss when nobody was looking. Or at least that's what he believed – that particular picture was later sold for an obscene amount of credits and made it to the Hall of Famous Kisses. After gracing the covers of a few widely known magazines. Duo's somewhat dishevelled suit started a whole new round of gossip as well.  
  
The limos were waiting and as soon as the reporters were persuaded to move a little, Heero gratefully ducked into the rich interior, surprisingly not pulling Duo behind him. His husband entered the car a few seconds later, waving cheerfully at the crowds. Upon entering he sat with a soft 'whooshing' sound.  
  
"Boy is this whole press annoying!"  
  
Heero hned. Duo blinked in surprise. They were over the ignore-me-while-hning part already. "Hee-baby?" he asked uncertainly. Heero hned again. Duo crawled on his hands and knees, pressing his nose to Heero's cheek. "What's wrong Hee-baby? Ro? Hee-hubby?" Heero turned his head. For few moments they stared into each other's eyes.  
  
"You've been avoiding me," the blue-eyed man said finally, his voice monotone. Duo sat back on his heels.  
  
"Aw, did you feel unwanted? Come here Hee-baby, let's snuggle," he said opening his arms.  
  
"Hn. You don't have to pretend just to be nice," the Perfect Soldier answered, turning his head. The braided boy's brows furrowed.  
  
"I wanna snuggle!" Heero looked up and froze.  
  
"Sure, whatever you want," he answered quickly, pulling the violet-eyed boy onto his lap. Duo sighed blissfully and scooted even closer. Then he frowned.  
  
"Ah. Heero, you really suck at hugging, you know," he said, tugging his hair from under his body. He looked up to see the blue-eyed boy's devastated expression. Or at least as close to devastated as it could get. "Aw, don't be sad! You're one hell of a huggee instead!" he punctuated his statement by throwing his arms around Heero's chest and hugging him for all he was worth. Heero felt slightly better. He was a private hugging post. That had to be good, right? He tightened his arms around the slim torso, clutching the brown rope of hair tightly in his hand.  
  
"You are mine," he whispered into the ear right beside his mouth. "Only mine." Quite by accident his eyes fell onto the glassy window, separating them from the driver.  


* * *

  
A List of Fantasies A.C. 196; Paragraph 1: General Directives  
  
1. Take Duo. Again and again and again and again… Make him beg and scream and beg and whimper and beg and moan and beg and cry and… was a 'beg' already mentioned?  
  
2. Get Duo to take me. Specification: Once, maybe twice, tops. Put a 'check' next to it. Never mention it again. Kill everyone who does.  
  
Sub-directives to Paragraph 1, point 1:  
  
1. Have Duo tied up;   
  
2. Have Duo covered in whipped-cream;   
  
3. Have Duo covered in chocolate;   
  
4. Have Duo covered in chocolate **and** whipped cream;   
  
5. Have Duo in a shower (check, A.C. 198);   
  
6. Have Duo after a shower (check, A.C. 198);   
  
7. Have Duo in a bathtub (check, A.C. 198);   
  
8. Have Duo on the floor (almost check – got the tables turned on me, A.C. 198);   
  
9. Have Duo on a tree; have Duo in a car; have Duo on a car; have Duo in a limo;   
  
10. Have Duo on a bike;  
  
11. And so on and so forth.  
  
Sub-directive to Paragraph 1, point 2 (added A.C. 198):  
  
The 'Specification' is hereby deleted.  
  
End of the List  


* * *

"Don't you dare to even think about it," Heero heard a muffled voice from the general direction of his chest. He didn't degrade himself to blinking – his eyelids merely fluttered, a little faster than normal. "I know what you're thinking, and you can forget it," the same voice continued.  
  
"The airport is fifteen more minutes from here!"  
  
"Yes, but Relena has this limo monitored, and Dorothy has a TV in hers," Duo explained sitting up straight and leaning against the fluffy seat. He opened his eyes and cocked his head to the side, looking Heero in the eyes. "You know if you just opened your eyes a little wider and opened your mouth you could almost pass for a normal human's rendition of a goldfish."  
  
"You let them **tape** the limo?"  
  
"It was either that or the suite. Dorothy can be… uh, persuasive."  
  
"Apparently."  
  
It turned out that as they reached the airport the black and gold limousine with Relena and Dorothy on board was so interesting that the girls didn't want to leave it immediately, and when they finally emerged each was clutching a CD. Duo smacked himself on the forehead.   
  
In the main terminal several dishevelled figures blocked the entrance to the private jet's passage. They had been camping there since the previous night, waiting for their chance at getting the best pictures. And finally it was there! There they were, walking as if their togetherness wasn't the to-be-or-not-to-be of the Earth Sphere and the Colonies! The scary looking brown-haired one and the small braided boy; the evil blonde and the guy with a weird hairdo; the justice boy and blonde Pocahontas.   
  
And the Queen of the World with her secretary, but that was yesterday's news.  
  
By the time the group got through the small crowd, each of the photographers had enough photos to tape them together into a movie. Each of them clutched their video camera and chuckled evilly, doing a pretty good snake impression (Myy precioussssssss). They stalked the steps of the newlyweds until a group of security guards was sent in to restrain them and Heero, who attempted to diplomatically inform one of the reporters that Duo's behind was off limits for hands, arms, legs **and** eyes. Luckily the man was insured.  
  
Half an hour later, Heero was sitting in the jet provided, heading for a relatively small cottage somewhere in Europe with Duo's head pillowed on his shoulder.  
  
"Heero?" Duo started hesitantly. The blue eyed man grunted to indicate he was listening. "Did you mean that?" Duo continued with a tiny, uncertain smile. Heero turned his head.  
  
"What?"  
  
"What you said in the limo. That… I was yours." The last words died before they even left the speaker's mouth. Heero turned in his seat to look at his husband properly. He took in the embarrassed blush and hesitation, and… fear? He blew a puff of air, placed his hands on the sides of Duo's face and drew him to his own.  
  
"Idiot. I love you," he whispered.  
  
And they lived their calm, uneventful lives in Peace and Loving Understanding. Until they went back to work that is.

* * *

The End


End file.
